Words Aren't Enough

I'm at that stage where I feel like I know where it's going to end up. I feel like I may as well give up, now. Sooner than later. Then, I remember the way he makes me feel. Then, I remember the things I've promised. "Never to give up. Never to stop loving. Never to stop trying. Never to quit." Then I remember how much I love him and adore him and just want my life to be with him. Then the reality hits. I can't forever say I don't need my family. Especially when he goes on deployment. But, I can't give up. I've shut my heart off more than my brain, but I still know in my soul it's right. But, maybe it was right and now I need to move on. I've made a pact with my Heavenly Father that I will wait until May 1st and if at that point I still haven't heard anything I will consider myself single. But, the sad reality is that I don't think I will date for a long long while. You don't just stop dating someone. You don't just fall out of love with someone, someone that never did a single thing wrong to you. Someone that loved you more than you've ever felt love from someone. It doesn't just happen. So, here I am. I don't want to play games, but as others have told me . . . I'm not taking advice just to take advice, but with using my brain in this process as well. "Look at how much you're willing to give up. Really look at what you're willing to do 1. Move to Texas

2. Move to Ghana

3. Make him happy, and do what wifely duties.

and what has he offered to do for you? Has he really proven anything?" Well, here is where I stand with that. No, he hasn't but it's what I feel. I don't need proof, I don't need him to do things, spend money on me, and do anything for me to know he would. But, when I really think about it . .. I deserve that. I deserve to know he would do anything for me. But, it's a game. I just want to be loved and love in return. I guess my "simple" philosophy really isn't how the world is though. No matter the out come he is my soul-mate. He is who makes me feel alive, like what I live for is out there. Like what I want to do for the rest of my life is possible. Like I can do whatever I set my mind to. I thank God every day for sending me one of his modern day angels to make me realize my worth.