First Day of Counseling

Luckily there was a comfy couch cushion to comfort the bad and to cradle the good. As I sat there in an idle state, as my life rushed past me at speeds I cannot even comprehend. 

To come to terms with ideas, and realize my life isn't as much of a piece of cake as I had covered it up to be. To realize, yet not accept, I don't have to be as perfect as feel I need to be. 

As I explained to the social worker, that wasn't much older than me, things I wanted to understand about myself. I just spewed out things I have kept to myself for much of my life. 

My hope is that this jig-saw puzzle of a life can be put together, framed and hung. That all these pieces I give her can assist me in my road map to where I want to be. That I can face my inner demons, and express emotions I have tied down for a very long time.

One thing I will not be ashamed of, is the fact that I asked for help, someone listened, and followed through. I have asked people whom I trust, and love for help and they have agreed, but then take back that agreement like it never existed. Today I put together two pieces of my puzzle. I finally figured out why I have such a hard time asking for help, because when I do, it's always a let down. 

I am no longer anxious, as I thought I would be. I cannot wait to be set free, completely unchained. It will be a glorious day.