Ho! Ho! Ho!

Today is Christmas, yay! It's funny as how a kid you cannot sleep because the magic of Christmas is so beautiful. You eventually get to sleep, and before you know it you're aching to see what Santa Claus and his reindeer have brought you. You tip-toe out to the tree to see your new boom box with N'SYNC and Britney Spears' new CD, your new bike (even though it's winter), you hear a cell phone ringing (the one you begged your grandparents for). 

This morning, I'm up and there is a 50" LCD Flat Screen Television, and a Soda Stream out from Santa, neither of which are mine, but I know mine is somewhere. I know what it is, because my mom made sure it was what I wanted. My stocking is leaning on the television, and I want to rip it open, because stockings are my favorite, period. 

The meaning of Christmas is clear for most Christians. I am struggling with it, in the realm that I don't know if I believe in God, for that matter, Jesus Christ. I feel the cleansing power of the atonement. I have been blessed in extensive amounts. I have always said God blessed me, God loves me, God is with me. I didn't believe in God until I was 16 - and I don't want to loose the idea that God is real. But, Santa used to be real as well. As did the Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, etc. Most of my LDS friends tell me, it's the adversary, but I don't know that this is the case. You cannot go wrong following something that is positive and uplifting, but I also cannot live my life tip-toeing around. It's my agency, I get it, but I don't want to just live by faith anymore. I found a quote the other day that made so much sense, and left me able to breathe.