Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Don't let Robin Thicke be a lesson to you.

One of my staff encouraged me to follow a link, which was in essence something that our society, isn't thought of enough. She heard me read aloud each and every word. When I was finished she said, "I didn't even think about this aspect." I thought to myself, "Wow! Really?" She considers herself a feminist. At what degree, I am unsure. I was blown away, not in any way to degrade her, but that she hadn't ever thought of it from this view point. There has been an article/letter going around titled, “Dear daughter, let Miley Cyrus be a lesson to you.” The following article can be found here: http://themattwalshblog.com/2013/08/28/dear-son-dont-let-robin-thicke-be-a-lesson-to-you/

But, the following part not only made me cry, but reminded me what as parents our job is for the next generation. Also, it is the exact reason why I don't want to be a parent. I don't want to have to explain why my generation has decided to do what we have decided to do. I don't want to have to explain right from wrong, I want it how my parents had it ... common sense. Great entertainers and well, less sex ... ism, what am I saying? Sexism is alive and well, just as much as racism, and any other ism on the planet. 

Dear son,
Don’t let Robin Thicke be a lesson to you.
Don’t let any of these pigs and perverts you see on TV be a lesson to you. They treat women like garbage; they possess no chivalry, no self control; they are disloyal and dishonest; they spend all day pursuing pleasure at the expense of others, and they encourage you to do the same. You might be tempted to follow suit. In fact, you WILL be tempted. These male pop stars and celebrities, look at them, you’ll think. They take advantage of emotionally broken, self loathing, confused young women, and they are rewarded handsomely for it. Look at their nice clothes and their nice cars. Look how they are admired and loved. Look, they treat women like trash and other women fawn all over them because of it. This must be how real men behave, you’ll think.
And you’ll be wrong. You’ll be wrong about a lot of things in life — this is what it means to be human — but never will you be more wrong than when you feel the temptation to buy the lies that pop culture sells about the nature of true masculinity. Son, there is nothing glamorous or fun about being a man of low character and no integrity. What you see on TV is a facade. It’s a sales pitch. It’s poison. You see the bright lights and the sexy women, but you don’t see what happens when the cameras are off and these pop culture gods return to their lives as mere mortals. You don’t see them in their big, empty, lonely houses. You don’t see the emptiness in the pit of their souls. You don’t see all the alcohol and drugs they have to use to dull the pain of living a life devoid of real, committed relationships. You don’t see the hatred they have for themselves and for humanity. You don’t see the jealousy they have towards normal, decent men.
Your dad is no celebrity. He’s just an average, boring guy. But he’s got something that every famous and non-famous womanizer envies: He’s got the love and commitment of ONE beautiful, smart, faithful woman. He’s got your mom, and he’ll only have your mom until the day he dies. He ought to be waking up every day shouting praises to the Lord because of that.
Listen, son, don’t let the world tell you how to be a man. They don’t know anything about the subject.
Men are loyal. Men are honest. Men respect and honor women. A man goes out and finds one woman, and he vows to protect and love her for the rest of his life. A man would never betray that vow. Even the weakest and most cowardly man — if he is a man at all — would die for the woman he loves. Your dad is no hero, but let someone try to hurt your mom and watch him suddenly turn into Superman (or Batman, whichever you prefer).
See, son, you don’t have to be big and strong to be a man, although I think you will be one day. You don’t have to be “cool” or athletic. You don’t have to play guitar or fix cars. These are all fine things, but they don’t define a man. A man is defined by how he treats women, by how he keeps his promises, and by how he protects and serves the ones he loves. That’s what makes a man a man. My dad taught me that, he taught it by example. I pray I can do the same for you.
Oh, and by the way, if I ever catch you disrespecting women, I will sit you down and talk to you about it. But first I’ll kick your butt up and down the street. That’s a promise.
Love,
Your old man 

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Love

The idea that one person can love another person, cheat on that person with another person, love that person, cheat on that person with another person, and then love that person is something I will never understand. 

Look I get it, I don't know all the ins and outs. I don't know the details of each relationship. Just tell me how, if you love that person, which you said you did, you can't/won't/don't want to work it out with them?

Also, tell me why the person you cheated with would then love you back. I think I can see why I have so many trust issues. The one person I always thought I could trust, I can't.

Xo,
Kasandra 

Friday, July 19, 2013

WHO I GREW UP WITH

My brother, J.T. has DMD (Duchene Muscular Dystrophy). He turns 16 on 07/22/2013, though we celebrated his birthday this evening. This was a little kid, whom is now a young man ... a young man that is maturing at a rapid rate. We get in these little petty arguments on Facebook, and I find humor in them. I do this to feel normal, normal with my only brother I grew up with. His wheelchair has never really affected me. I have always seen him as my brother, that is it. The wheelchair is just apart of him. In the past, when I was 18 and younger I would complain about helping him. Now that I am older I don't complain, and I usually jump to helping him, if possible if I am available. I know that he won't be here forever. I know that none of us will be here forever. Now that he is 16, I want to make our relationship even better. By doing that I would tease him less, and I would harp on him less, etc. The only problem with this is I know that it would make our relationship feel less normal. He has less time on this earth than your typical person, and I'm not sad about that. REALLY, I'm not. I just don't want to treat him any different because of this fact. 

Bro, maybe now you get it ... maybe now you understand. I have never wanted you to not have an opinion, in fact I want your opinion to grown and mature. I want to remember your opinion on things, and when you're gone (and God forbid that comes too soon) I want to know what you would do. I want to do the things which you would do. I know you're smart. I know you're kind. AND I know you're loving. I want to keep a part of you in my heart forever, and for always. So, next time I give you a hard time, give me just as hard of a time. That's what I want. I love you. Forever. Foralways. xo

Sunday, June 23, 2013

America's Truth. Not the REALity

United States Slavery is the equivalent of the German Holocaust. 

Just as all Germans aren't responsible for The Holocaust, not all American's are responsible for Slavery. 

But, just as any German with any relation, particularly with an SS officers last name is ashamed, I, a person with white skin am ashamed. 

I am ashamed to be white.
Most would call me lucky, but doesn't help the fact that I am ashamed. 

One day I was sitting in one of my Social Work courses, and we were watching a movie about Native American's. At a particular point in the film, I raised my hand, (my hands were shaking, my heart racing, my stomach was in my throat, and I'm sure my voice shook) as I proceeded I said something to the affect of, "I cannot believe MY people did this." As I got to the word "MY" I began to cry. Everyone turned to look at me, seeing as how me crying in class wasn't rare, I had gotten pretty used to it. Professor Dena a Native American herself, seemed dumbfounded, yet supportive as I was crying like a baby. I proceeded and said, "I'm ashamed. I'm sad, and sick, and cannot get over how my people have treated others throughout history." She just stood there strong, with a backbone, and one of my forever inspirations. 

I have a lot of white guilt, and many would say that I shouldn't, I cannot help but hold onto this said, "White Guilt." I've discussed this with many people, and I no longer take it in and hold on to it, I educate myself . . . and ensure that I know I am fully innocent on the actions of my ancestors. 

I look at pictures of slave fortresses in Ghana, and think deeper, and FEEL emotions that pictures shouldn't bring out of someone. I know that I am meant to live in Africa, and I promise you one day, no matter on what part of that beautiful continent that I live, I will LIVE, and I will love. I will leave a piece of me there, that maybe will leave my soul in pristine condition. That maybe will make me whole, again. Maybe I can share that I never knew the truth, until I paid to learn the truth. No one tells you anything, until you pay for it. You learn AMERICA'S truth, not HISTORY. Not the real truth. Not the reality. 





Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Time & Place

There is a time and place for everything. Today while at work I was talking to one of my new staff. As this was happening I began doing something, being a Social Worker. I began to find out why this person had certain personality traits, and why she "was the way she was." I have done this on many occasions since I have graduated from the University of Utah, College of Social Work. This experience was like none other. I felt like I was exactly where I needed to be. I felt like I knew that at that moment, at that very moment, I was where I needed to be. I felt like everything that has happened needed to happen in order for me to be the person that I am. Not that this realization hasn't come to my attention before. I was needing a "sign", a sign from anyone. God maybe? The Universe maybe? Something, and I got it. I didn't pray for it. I didn't ask for it. I just thought about it.

Days like this I am thankful that there is a time and a place for everything! :)

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

People With Disabilities


“One of the basic needs of every human being is the need to be loved, to have our wishes and feelings taken seriously, to be validated as people who matter.”
― Harold S. Kushner

My favorite quote that comes to my mind when I think about my clients: my clients in the program I am over, and my clients as a whole in TKJ. Whether they have high or low functioning disabilities, they need the same love.

Yes, I have a lot of paperwork. Yes, I have a lot of responsibilities. BUT, my biggest responsibility is to do just that, love them, encourage them, and help them to fulfill their wishes, ensure their feelings are taken seriously, and to validate them as often as possible.

I know I would want the same. The same for myself. I thank the universe daily for letting me to be change I wish to see in the world. I thank the universe daily for helping me to get the education I have gotten. I thank the universe daily for helping me become the person that I am. I thank the universe for constantly allowing me to grow. Mostly, I thank the universe daily for opening my eyes . . .


If it weren't for my accident I wouldn't see the world the way I see it. 

. . . I would want the same for my brothers if they were in a group home. I would want the same for any of my children if I ever had to put them in a group home. 

Going to Grad school was at the top of my list, I thought it was what I needed to do next. But, after some deep thought, and meditation. I realized what I was doing, is what I wanted to do forever. Maybe working with disabilities in group homes isn't my fate, but working with people with disabilities is definitely my calling. 

I can see it, ever since middle school. In middle school I went to peer tutoring with the special education students. I LOVED this. I LOVED how enthusiastic these individuals were when I was of assistance to them. One of the girls couldn't talk, but her touch made me feel so much of her love, that words weren't needed. I cleaned one of the special education teachers rooms, as I was a janitor after school everyday. One day I got to talking to her. She told me that she knew that I would become a special education teacher one day. You know what? She is right, she can see special traits in everyone around her. I loved her for that. I will never forget that day.

Tonight, as I sit here, I know that I am where I need to be. I am happy that I am where I need to be. I am beyond blessed, beyond thankful, and above all, full of love for those around me. 

Smile, it's only temporary. 

P.S. 

Last night I was talking with one of my staff, and she said, "have you ever thought about how it will be in the next life?" I said, actually, I have. I can only imagine the reunion with the people who I have served, with all their transgressions left in mortality. I began to tear up, because I know that the ladies I have served, serve, and will continue to serve will greet me with open arms. It will be a blessed reunion, that I can only hope will be full or laughter, and forever friendships in the eternities. 

Monday, April 29, 2013

allofthewrongones

Letting the wrong ones go has been difficult for me. I have let go of so many people that I didn't WANT to let go of, too many times in my life. I have let go of so many people that I wanted to let go of, so that maybe they would come back to me. None have come back, and sometimes it is lonely. Sometimes, it is too lonely. You wonder if you'll find others like allofthewrongones. Though, you try not to think about it all too often, because that just gets you down.

                         These people, I thought, loved me, for me.
                         This may have been the case then, but is not the case now.

Trust is broken. Hearts begin to break. Tears are more common than laughter. You begin to grow up, and learn the actual meaning of True Friends, Best Friends, Love, Friendship, Happiness, Youth, and Life.



I could see myself in Texas. I could see myself doing my practicum in Texas. I could see myself starting a family in Texas. I could see me being an Army wife, in Texas. I could see all of this, and I was blindsided. He didn't give two-shits about me.

I had sleep overs every night with her, because we were best friends. Our parents didn't care what we did, so long as it was together. My first best friend relationship. I was warned. I was told. I couldn't blame anyone but myself, and one day school was hell. And one day I had no friends. And one day I decided she didn't determine my destiny. And one day I was fine with not having any friends. And one day I was fine with being determined to worry about school, and work, solely. This "break-up" was worse than any love I had ever been through. I cried myself to sleep, and couldn't breathe some days, but I learned. I learned that you cannot have your cake and eat it. I learned that life doesn't always go the way you plan. I learned that you cannot tell everyone, everything about you. I learned that not everyone deserves to be trusted.

So far allofthewrongones have led me to all of the right ones. So far, allofthewrongones have been that way for a purpose. I wouldn't be where I am today without, allofthewrongones.