For My Birthday

My best friend won't be here this year.
Eyes cannot dry out.
Soul cannot be still.
Heart cannot be mended.
Memories cannot be fulfilled.
Sleep cannot cover the pain.
Words cannot calm.
Dreams cannot make up.
My best friend won't be here this year.

My wish is that you could be here physically, but I know that cannot happen. So, until I see you again please continue to be my strength. 

I love you, forever and foralways. 

One heart, Two souls.

The Most Important Part

I would say this is my fifth time getting back on the horse. If I have to get on twenty more times I will, but I don't want to. I'm starting out slow, as slow as a babies first crawl, or even a child's first time riding a bike. I may stumble, but I won't fall off completely this time. This time I am starting with nutrition. I am taking it at a different angle. This time instead of working out first then introducing a new diet, I am introducing a new diet then introducing the fitness. EVEN THOUGH I AM DOING SMALL HOME WORKOUTS ALONG THE WAY.  

I used to get injured at the gym, and fall off of two horses - nutrition and physical activity. At least at this point I will have something to fall back on, nutrition. They say 80% of weight loss is in the kitchen, though I don't totally agree with that, I know there is some truth that you cannot do one without the other - but I know that nutrition is what keeps you balanced. Other benefits are that my acne will clear up, and my state of mind, and mental capacity will improve. 

I just have to remember it doesn't happen over night. Also, that no matter what; I need to love myself, and love my body. You only get one, may as well treat it right. I am learning to love my body, and that's the most important part.

xo my darlings!

Kas

i should have been in the kitchen

11/01/2013:

as we had that sweet conversation 

he was vulnerable 

the way i had never seen him

beautifully vulnerable

in a vibrant way

his touch is a touch to remember

his tears are tears that pierce my heart

even still to this day.

11/02/2013:

sadness

desperation

disbelief 

filled the room

the funeral director arrived

she was pushed into the kitchen

many others followed

as the sister it was my duty to stay

images like his tears 

images like his touch

pierce my heart

not even as close

as watching the move 

from bed

to

stretcher

bones.cracking.hearts.shattering

i should have been in the kitchen

Although, it has been a huge sigh of relief my heart is still broken.

They were right, they were really right. 

All I know is that I am left here ... without you. Missing you, wishing you were still here to be with me. To sit with me, and just chill with each other. To simply be. siblings. 

Two souls.

One heart.

ily.

Asheleigh Ramirez

You have friends in your life that are put in your life for a reason. Today, Asheleigh Ramirez is the one that I am thankful for. This girl has been by my side, even when we were too young to realize what friends really were. I remember her being told by another person in our friend circle that I kissed her boyfriend, Victor. This started the feud we had between each other. I wouldn't ever kiss a boy that I knew a friend liked. I was too shy for that anyways. Through the years we laughed, cried, hated, and loved with and toward each other. Her home felt like my home, and I was envious when other friends of ours got her attention more than me. I fought for her time, for her friendship, and I would do it all again if I had to. Asheleigh is the reason I like Usher and B2K. I cannot listen to either of their music and not think of her. I was in Asheleigh's Quienceanera, which was an amazing celebration of such a beautiful woman. Now, we get together every so often and have girl's nights/days and it is amazing. I can go to her for her honest opinion, and I know that I will get it. I know that she only has my best interest in mind, and that she loves me whether I accept her advice, or not. My love for her isn't your average love for a friend. She is my sister, my other half, and quite possibly my soul mate. Soul mate to some is a romantic partner, but I am taking it further than that. Asheleigh knows me inside and out, she loves me for me. The best part is her child. When she told me she was pregnant I was stunned, to be honest. Now that he is here, and now that he is part of my life, I love him like I do my own baby cousins. He is just as much family as Asheleigh is. I am a blessed woman to have these two incredible people in my life.    I love you, girl. 

P.S. 

I promise to never forget how to spell your name, ever. 

Beautiful Blue Eyes

Today has been a huge day of reflection. I wanted to drop off a treat for Pat (my hero, the man who saved my life on 11/14/2007) on the six year anniversary of a motor vehicle accident that I was in. I planned ahead and bought him a Hickory Farms sausage/cheese/cracker package and a Ferrero Rocher chocolate package with white/milk/dark hazelnut chocolate deliciousness. All with a really sweet, simple, card. 

When he met me at the front door of the Fire Station he said, "Those big blue eyes, I would recognize those big blue eyes anywhere!" He introduced me to some of his fellow crew members before we went and sat down in his office. He proceeded to tell me his story, that of which I have never heard. He said, “I have a few things to talk to you about.” As I began to shake, and feel tears form, I had the largest smile I have had in a really long time. He proceeded to look at me, and as I looked in his own bright blue eyes I knew his soul. I knew that we were meant to meet. I knew that he was meant to help save me. 

He told me that he was so pissed off, because the DMV moved locations, and he needed to do his yearly registration on his truck.   He could see the aftermath of some sort of accident, and he told himself that 'this couldn't be happening'. He told me that there must have been a lot that he was supposed to do that day, though he couldn't recall what. He pulled over, and was assessing the situation when a lady came up and said that she was a nurse. He said that he could see B and J in the front seat, and that they were breathing, when a guy called him over and said there is someone in the backseat. Pat said that he jumped on the trunk as both doors were jammed, as he couldn't get them to open. He then called two guys over and said, ‘look, I need your help! This girl doesn't appear to be breathing. You both need to pull on that door, but don't hurt yourself.'      The first pull, nothing. The second pull, the door unjammed.      Pat told me that earlier today (11/14/13) he went to a scene of an accident and that they couldn't even get the Jaws of Life to get this guy out, and unfortunately his story doesn't have the same happy ending. He said that the car I was in was worse than this guy’s vehicle, and the door just unjammed. He paused; he said 'that is just amazing' then preceded. He told me that when he finally got in the car I wasn't breathing, he took his knife out (mind you he is off duty as a paramedic, and doesn't have his gear with him) and was getting ready to do a tracheotomy on me with this knife, when someone said, "wait, the seat belt it is all twisted around her." He couldn't see the seat belt as I was laying on it. He said he cut off the seat belt and thanked God he didn't have to do a tracheotomy with his pocket knife. He said that he then took the vomit out of my mouth, and my eyes opened, and "those blue eyes, those beautiful bright blue eyes stared at me." He said it felt like thirty minutes to get the choppers in the area, even though it had been maybe six minutes. He said, "Then you were in the chopper, and they weren't leaving and I was pacing back and forth, worried." He said he later found out that the computers were down at the new IMC in Murray, and that is why it took so long. 

On another note, think about how everything works together, like a well oiled machine. If the DMV hadn't moved locations . . . I wouldn't be here. If he the door wouldn't have opened . . . I wouldn't be here. If IMC's computers had been up I wouldn't have gotten the best care. If I wouldn't have gone to the U, I wouldn't be here to tell my story. 

The best part of tonight was when he said, "Your outlook on life is special, young lady. You don't see this as the end of the road. You didn't see it as a woe is me; you saw it as well, and look what I can do! Not look at what I cannot do. Amazing! Look at what you're doing for others. Most people wouldn't have done half of what you have done, including being able to walk, talk, and graduate." 

He then walked me out to my car, hugged me and said he couldn't wait for his kids to meet me. He said, 'forgive me for not knowing today was the anniversary, it's not that I don't remember you, or think about you often. He said, on my hardest days, when things don't go the way I would have wanted them to go, I remember that car door, and I remember those big blue eyes. I remember that it is out of my control, that I CAN do my job, that I KNOW my job, that I am proficient.'  I can now see why he didn't consider him my hero, what an incredible, humble, amazing, man. 

Everything happens for a reason. Smile, because it's only temporary :)

xo,

Kas 

07/22/1997 ~ 11/02/2013

My sweet baby brother passed away on November 2nd, 2013 at 3:20 am. He was the light of my life. Luckily, on November 1st, 2013 before I left his home I was able to read a sweet letter from a family friend. This letter had a lot to do with the after life. Jt told me he was no longer scared. That even though he was going into the unknown, for him, he knew it would be beautiful. I wanted to stay, something was pulling me to stay, but I left around 8:30. I was a fortunate person to be able to sit and hold his hand. I was able to tell him how much I loved him, how much I looked up to him, and how proud I was of him. I told him he was the strongest person that I knew, and he thanked me, so humbly. Jt was very emotional with me that evening, which surprised me. Usually he tells everyone to be strong, but as he choked back the tears, he told me he loved me. He asked me to hold his hand, and we cried. I was able to have the last deep conversation with my brother, and I will always be thankful for that. 

As the viewing ensued, emotions were raised, and many a tear fell. Jt was loved by EVERYONE that he met. How amazing is that? Many talked, including grandma, mom, aunt Nonie, Jessie, Trevor, Noah, many friends from school and myself. My sweet students from Hillcrest drew/wrote me cards. I broke, and that was okay. I needed some sort of sign that I needed to get back to Hillcrest. Dres Anderson, and Reggie Dunn came to his viewing as well. When they walked through the door I broke down so hard, because I knew it was what Jt would have wanted. I was separating Dres and Reggie from football, and seeing them in their true light. I rushed up to Dres, and he stepped back quickly. I hugged him, and didn't want to let go. I was SO happy he was there for Jt. Jt was wearing a number 6 jersey, which is Dres' jersey number. He felt honored. 

Tonight was Jt's Remembrance - at Hillcrest. There was a lot of food, including dessert. My brother Chris was there, and that was really nice. It was like a breath of fresh air. He also came with my new friend Annika. My friend Alexis came with her mom, and her baby. Matt and Stacey performed Who You'd be Today - by Kenny Chesney. Which was amazing. After which my mom spoke a little bit, and then my grandma, Rickie, cousin Danny, aunt Mare, Ryan, myself, and a few of his friends spoke. After we let the balloons go for Jt in Heaven his friends Nate Orchard, and Jeremiah Tofaeono (J.T.) stopped by and watched the picture video that Rickie had put together. They hugged my mother and I, and once again I found myself separating the football aspect, and fell in love with their kindness. They are true gentlemen, and were so needed in the moment that they were there. Jt will definitely bless them for their good works.  

My mom talked about how Jt's everyday hat was not in the stuff we had packed, but yet was in my car ready to be placed out to show. Which is proof he is here with us still. Then, many of his friends talked about how Jt probably saved lives by being so loving and kind toward everyone. Also, one of his girl friend's said that one of her girl friend's wanted to ask Jt to a dance, but that she was scared of rejection. Little did she know that Jt was scared of rejection as well. 

I can honestly say that I have learned a lot on how to be a better person by knowing Jt. As his sister I never saw these sides of Jt, because well, I'm his sister. But, hearing of these stories makes me love him ten times more than I did before, and I loved him a lot! Jt was an amazing human being. To be so perfect, that Heavenly Father wants him back early, is amazing.

Bro, I cannot wait to see you again. Please get paradise ready, and make it to where the Utes win every game. Only if you have some extra time! Watch over those of us who need you most. I love you, and you're always welcome in my pad. Lord knows you never came to hang out when you were with us. Please make your presence clear, that would be legit AF. 

God knows how I miss you. All the hell that I've been through, just knowing no one could take your place. ~ You're always in my heart, never forgotten. Rest in Paradise 

Balloon Bouquet 

The set up at Jt's Remembrance.

Letting the balloons free, to fly to Heaven. 

All of our sweet notes for Jt in Heaven. 

Balloons sure do know how to put a smile on my face. 

Do what makes your soul shine.

Thanks for the insight. Keep it coming. Love you, times infinity. XOXO

~ Sissy

A Second Wish Granted

My brother was given a wish when he was young. You see, my brother hasn't had a long life. The way I break it down is walking years, and wheelchair years. Either way, they are years, years that we have cherished. My brother's first wish was granted during his walking years. Through Make-A-Wish he was sent to Florida where we stayed in a beautiful place, filled with happiness and joy. He went to Walt Disney World, and Universal Studios. The family went with, well, besides grandpa. I know he enjoyed his 'vacation' of having no one around for a week. This first wish was special, because he was a wide-eyed, naive, not-knowing-what-the-reality-of-his-life-would-be, child.

Last night, my brother had another wish granted to him. Through family friends, and a hospice nurse, Coach Whittingham came to my brother's home. I cried, and smiled. My heart was full of happiness for my little brother. Five minutes later, four linemen were at the door knocking. They filled the room, as they were linemen (you don't realize how big they are until there is no room in the living room!) They visited with my brother, and admired all of the decor in my mom's home. Everywhere Coach turned he saw Utah, Utah, Utah. Coach was proud, you could see it in his smile. He gave my brother a visor of his that he has worn in past games. Then, Coach asked J if he wanted to come down on the field before, and after the game. He asked J if he wanted to get a tour of the locker room. He was wide-eyed, and happy, only he wasn't naive, and he now knows what the reality of his life will be.

Life is beautiful, life is fragile. Don't take it for granted. When you have bad days, smile, because it's all only temporary. Most importantly, do what is important to you. Do what you really love, and never go a day without telling the ones that you love, how much you love them.

xo,
Kas

Love

The idea that one person can love another person, cheat on that person with another person, love that person, cheat on that person with another person, and then love that person is something I will never understand. 

Look I get it, I don't know all the ins and outs. I don't know the details of each relationship. Just tell me how, if you love that person, which you said you did, you can't/won't/don't want to work it out with them?

Also, tell me why the person you cheated with would then love you back. I think I can see why I have so many trust issues. The one person I always thought I could trust, I can't.

Xo,

Kasandra 

WHO I GREW UP WITH

My brother, J.T. has DMD (Duchene Muscular Dystrophy). He turns 16 on 07/22/2013, though we celebrated his birthday this evening. This was a little kid, whom is now a young man ... a young man that is maturing at a rapid rate. We get in these little petty arguments on Facebook, and I find humor in them. I do this to feel normal, normal with my only brother I grew up with. His wheelchair has never really affected me. I have always seen him as my brother, that is it. The wheelchair is just apart of him. In the past, when I was 18 and younger I would complain about helping him. Now that I am older I don't complain, and I usually jump to helping him, if possible if I am available. I know that he won't be here forever. I know that none of us will be here forever. Now that he is 16, I want to make our relationship even better. By doing that I would tease him less, and I would harp on him less, etc. The only problem with this is I know that it would make our relationship feel less normal. He has less time on this earth than your typical person, and I'm not sad about that. REALLY, I'm not. I just don't want to treat him any different because of this fact. 

Bro, maybe now you get it ... maybe now you understand. I have never wanted you to not have an opinion, in fact I want your opinion to grown and mature. I want to remember your opinion on things, and when you're gone (and God forbid that comes too soon) I want to know what you would do. I want to do the things which you would do. I know you're smart. I know you're kind. AND I know you're loving. I want to keep a part of you in my heart forever, and for always. So, next time I give you a hard time, give me just as hard of a time. That's what I want. I love you. Forever. Foralways. xo

Humility

Today I added someone on Facebook whom has Cancer, then it reminded me of my friend who was just diagnosed with cancer. My mother who nearly had cancer. My grandpa who has had cancer, and goes to get chunks taken out of his skin when it comes back. My step-grandpa who I lost to cancer. All my other friends and family with cancer, and that that have friends and family with cancer. It smacked me in the face, and left me with streams of tears flowing from my eyes. My problems, though they are unfortunate, are far from the multitude that they could be. This week has been a week from hell, full of bad luck. I have so many things to be grateful for. I have so many people to love me. I have so many people to love. I am one of the lucky ones. For those going through cancer, themselves, or with family or friends, my thoughts are with you. I pray that every person touched with cancer, may get good news soon. Love. Live. Laugh.

Smile, it's all only temporary. :)

Stand with LOVE

"If you have questions, ask. There are plenty of people that are more than willing to help you and be there for you." Tonight as I left the International Transgender Day of Remembrance, these words stuck with me. This was an amazing event. Not only was it humbling, but it brought out emotions I just don't know what to do with. I don't want to question my Faith, but I cannot help it.

I can assure you these emotions weren't what the event coordinators had planned, but I can also assure you that these emotions were real. I felt the spirit tonight stronger than I have in a long time. No, these individuals weren't all brought to justice, but I feel like I was able to be apart of something larger than my mortal state. 

I will take a stand. I will not fall silent, no matter how much one may think that I need to mind my own business. Humanity is my business. Loving everyone is my business. Standing up and sticking up for others is MY business. I stand with LOVE. Although, some individuals may have problems with this, I do not, and the Holy Ghost testified to me this evening that my convictions were true, and just.  


Morally there are no sidelines in a struggle between oppressors and the oppressed. All that oppressors ask from the rest of us is to mind our own business, so by attempting neutrality we implicitly side with the oppressors. If we are truly an interconnected web, then we cannot simply blame the actions of the powerful for the injustice in our society; injustice is also the result of countless inactions by those with a responsibility to our fellow human beings." - Tim DeChristopher

Carry On

Carry On by, Fun.

When life seems too difficult, carry on. An amazing song for those days when you feel like you cannot go any further. 

Carry on
Well I woke up to the sound of silence
The cars were cutting like knives in a fist fight
And I found you with a bottle of wine
Your head in the curtains
And heart like the fourth of July

You swore and said
We are not
We are not shining stars
This I know
I never said we are

Though I've never been through hell like that
I've closed enough windows 
To know you can never look back

If you're lost and alone
Or you're sinking like a stone
Carry on
May your past be the sound
Of your feet upon the ground
Carry on

Carry on, carry on

So I met up with some friends 
At the edge of the night
At a bar off 75
And we talked and talked 
About how our parents will die
All our neighbours and wives
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/f/fun/carry_on.html ]
But I like to think
I can cheat it all
To make up for the times I've been cheated on
And it's nice to know
When I was left for dead
I was found and now I don't roam these streets
I am not the ghost you want of me

If you're lost and alone
Or you're sinking like a stone
Carry on
May your past be the sound
Of your feet upon the ground
Carry on

Woah
My head is on fire
But my legs are fine
Cause after all they are mine
Lay your clothes down on the floor
Close the door
Hold the phone
Show me how 
No one's ever gonna stop us now

Cause we are 
We are shining stars
We are invincible
We are who we are
On our darkest day
When we're miles away
So we'll come
We will find our way home

If you're lost and alone
Or you're sinking like a stone
Carry on
May your past be the sound
Of your feet upon the ground
Carry on

Anniversary

Today I am not just thankful, but blessed.

The first responders, including my hero, Pat Killian. 

Life-Flight. 

The UofU trauma team. 

The UofU Emergency Room nurses, and doctors. 

My orthopedic surgeon, Alpeesh Patel. 

My orthopedic surgeon, Erik Kubiak. 

My opthamologist Boopie Patel.

The UofU SICU floor. 

The UofU ICU floor. 

The IMC Rehabilitation floor. 

ALL of the nurses, doctors, and therapists that got me going again especially, Kristin my CNA. 

My Physical Therapists.

My Speech Therapists.

My mom.

My father.

My brother.

My family - even distant cousins who gave me healing blessings.

My friends.

My church leaders who not only made my blanket, but also who prayed and visited me in the hospital.

My classmates both at Itineris, and at Hillcrest.

My teachers both at Itineris, and Mr. Bentley at Hillcrest. 

My mentors - Ms. Bradfield, Ms. Putnam, Ms. Ward.

Members of my LDS faith who put my name in the Temple.

Members of my LDS faith who prayed for me.

Jesus Christ.

Heavenly Father.

I will never be the same. I will never feel normal, but what is normal? As I have been going through Therapy I have learned a lot. My anxiety has shortened. Letting others drive has heightened. But, when I talk about it, I still cry. I don't know if that will change. I do know that I think about it less. I worry about it less. I am beyond blessed for this. The trauma comes back to haunt me at the most inopportune times, but when it happens I am thankful to be able to remember all of the above individuals. I am reminded that you cannot go through life alone. I am reminded that even though it doesn't feel like others care, they do. Others care about you, more than you know. I am reminded to LOVE life. I truly know how to live. I will live. I will have the courage and strength to carry on, even though some days it feels impossible. 

What I carry away from this accident is the fact that everyone has a story. People have so much perseverance. I had to have the will to LIVE. My FAITH had to be strengthened. I had to become humble. I am here for a reason, a reason much larger than any selfish thing I can think of. I have a purpose - a true purpose - that only I can fulfill. 

Smile, it's only temporary. 

"November, the month where everyone is so THANKFUL for their lives, and in every aspect. But, I get to be THANKFUL everyday I open my eyes because [Pat Killian] you helped me, and didn't have to. [Pat Killian] You are my hero - I can only hope I can be half of the hero you are in my Social Work journey."  

Above is what I wrote in the card below to my hero, Pat Killian. The man that I will never forget. Almost five years later, and look where I am at. This isn't where I thought, nor any professional that helped me thought, I would be. Even though it has been a long journey, and continues to be a daily struggle, I am thankful that I have turned out the way I have turned out. I'm even more thankful for the fact that I am alive, and will only continue to progress. I only have one person to thank today for that, and it is Mr. Pat Killian.   

My Practicum/Social Work

People will forget what you said.

People will forget what you did. 

But, people will never forget how you made them feel.

Out of all the things in the world one could be, I chose to become a Social Worker. As I am doing my practicum, I am learning more than I thought possible. My heart is definitely in the right place. I'm beyond thankful for finding my  niche. 

The past couple weeks I have learned more about myself than I thought possible. I  love  me, and I  love  people, and I  love  (young) women. Today in one of the forums at one of the schools in the state I had a hunch that one of the participants is struggling with an eating disorder. I thanked my God for reminding me daily how beautiful I am, and that I don't need to harm myself. A couple days ago another participant said she thought she was ugly, she's very young and it about broke my heart. I know I have a lot to offer, but I know the world has ten fold to offer me. I'm  thankful  for my love of Social Work, and for Social Work loving me back.  

Social Work

My true love: Social Work

Though yesterday it was football, today it has changed to Social Work. I still love football, with a lot of passion, but social work is where I can truly love with all that I have inside of my soul. 

Today we had a couple of speakers working with a couple of different populations. One being the Trans(exual/gender) community. The other being the Refugee community. I felt my heart begin to soften, my eyes begin to fill, and this uncontrollable feeling to cry. I said to myself, "YOU can be the change. YOU will be the change." 

I then decided I was going to take part in a couple events in the near future. TDR(Trans Day of Remembrance), as well as go to a lecture event to listen to some other current hot topics in the Trans(exual/gender) community.  

Some of you know about my mindset, my struggle, and my growth under the umbrella of LGBTQ community. I wrote a paper on this in my Social Work writing course,  and though it helped, I  still struggle. 

So, on November 20th I am attending TDR at 6:30 PM and I can only hope that my friends will also take part in this event with me. 

Also, I am going to take a tour of the Hartland Center, and become a volunteer. My want to go to Africa has heightened - and I feel this will be the best way to see if I am up for the challenge to go and work with the people. I believe if anything, it will sway my decisions to go 10 times stronger. I love the African people, and cannot wait to embark on my journey to discovery.   

One Love.  

 

Lovely

We discuss hot topics - more than just the weather.
He makes me laugh - more than any other.
He wears rose colored glasses, and see's the world through them.
Not only does he make me happy, but it's as though he knows my soul.
He has goals, and aspirations. He has dreams and plans to follow them.

It's funny how this even happened. 

 A boy you teased and joked with fell in love with you.

He now kisses you before bed, 

teases you,

jokes with you,

makes you happy,

helps you to have faith in humanity once more.

 Proving to you that you need to follow your dreams.

That you need to follow your heart. 

Thank You.

I think you could fall in love with anyone if you got to see the parts of them no one else gets to see. Like if you followed them around for a day and saw them crying in their bed, or singing to themselves as they make a sandwich. I think, after seeing them at their most vulnerable, you wouldn't be able to help falling in love with them. <3

Africa

My heart is in Africa. Call me crazy, but I love it. As I have been watching African movies about genocide today, instead of doing my homework, I have been glued to learning more about Africa. I have been interested in Africa since my ex-boyfriend, and my craving for more has just increased in the past few months. I yearn to go there, work with the people, understand their lives and culture. I yearn for love, friendship, hope, and peace. I know that all of my desires won't all be fulfilled with my time on this planet, possibly anyone's time on this planet, but I have faith that one day we will all live in peace. 

Same Love - Macklemore

I'm so happy I came across this artist. He speaks to my heart and soul. :) 

[Verse 1: Macklemore]

When I was in the 3rd grade

I thought that I was gay

Cause I could draw, my uncle was

And I kept my room straight

I told my mom, tears rushing down my face

She's like, "Ben you've loved girls since before pre-K"

Trippin', yeah, I guess she had a point, didn't she

A bunch of stereotypes all in my head

I remember doing the math like

"Yeah, I'm good a little league"

A pre-conceived idea of what it all meant

For those who like the same sex had the characteristics

The right-wing conservatives think it's a decision

And you can be cured with some treatment and religion

Man-made, rewiring of a pre-disposition

Playing God

Ahh nah, here we go

America the brave

Still fears, what, we don't know

And God loves all His children

Is somehow forgotten

But we paraphrase a book written

35 hundred years ago

I don't know

[Hook: Mary Lambert]

And I can't change

Even if I tried

Even if I wanted to

And I can't change

Even if I tried

Even if I wanted to

My love, my love, my love

She keeps me warm [x4]

[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/m/macklemore/same_love.html ]

[Verse 2: Macklemore]

If I was gay

I would think hip-hop hates me

Have you read the YouTube comments lately

"Man that's gay"

Gets dropped on the daily

We've become so numb to what we're sayin'

Our culture founded from oppression

Yeah, we don't have acceptance for 'em

Call each other faggots

Behind the keys of a message board

A word routed in hate

Yet our genre still ignores it

Gay is synonymous with the lesser

It's the same hate that's caused wars from religion

Gender and skin color

Complexion of your pigment

The same fight that lead people to walk-outs and sit-ins

It's human rights for everybody

There is no difference

Live on! And be yourself! 

When I was in church

They taught me something else

If you preach hate at the service

Those words aren't anointed

And that Holy Water

That you soak in

Is then poisoned

When everyone else

Is more comfortable

Remaining voiceless

Rather than fighting for humans

That have had their rights stolen

I might not be the same

But that's not important

No freedom 'til we're equal

Damn right I support it

I don't know

[Hook: Mary Lambert]

And I can't change

Even if I tried

Even if I wanted to

And I can't change

Even if I tried

Even if I wanted to

My love, my love, my love

She keeps me warm [x4]

[Verse 3: Macklemore]

We press play

Don't press pause

Progress, march on! 

With a veil over our eyes

We turn our back on the cause

'Till the day

That my uncles can be united by law

Kids are walkin' around the hallway

Plagued by pain in their heart

A world so hateful

Someone would rather die

Than be who they are

And a certificate on paper

Isn't gonna solve it all

But it's a damn good place to start

No law's gonna change us

We have to change us

Whatever god you believe in

We come from the same one

Strip away the fear

Underneath it's all the same love

About time that we raised up

[Hook: Mary Lambert]

And I can't change

Even if I tried

Even if I wanted to

And I can't change

Even if I tried

Even if I wanted to

My love, my love, my love

She keeps me warm [x4]

[Outro: Mary Lambert]

Love is patient, love is kind

Love is patient (not cryin' on Sundays)

Love is kind (not crying on Sundays) [x5]

Realization(.)Two

REALIZATION POINT TWO

Acoustic music is vulnerable. It speaks the words I have in my heart, but have yet to cross my mind.  Acoustic that can make my arm hairs stand at attention, can make me have a lump in my throat, and can make me feel alive. If a genre of music can do that to you, well you've found your bliss. It almost feels as good as falling in love for the first time of your life. It's like heaven on earth. It is something you can fall back on. As you fall back, you know it will catch and understand you, and do everything in it's power not to drop you.  When you, yourself, are too mixed up; it can bring you back down to reality and leave you with a glimmer of  hope in your spirit. It will help you to regain your strength, and understand your power as a human.

My compilation - which will continue to grow and inspire anyone having to make difficult decisions in life, and about life. Don't be afraid, just let the music soothe you and take you away. (These aren't in order of my favorites by any means, I cannot number music that fills my heart from top to bottom.)

Speak For Me by John Mayer

"Ain't the cover of a rolling stone. And the music on my radio ain't supposed to make me feel alone. What a drag to know, I have to learn to let it go. Show me something I can be. Play a song that I can sing. Make me feel as I am free, someone come speak for me."

Skinny Love by Bon Iver

"Come on skinny love, just last the year ... and I told you to be patient. And I told you to be fine. And I told you to be balanced. and I told you to be kind. And if all your love is wasted, then who the hell was I?"

Breathe Me by Sia

"Help I have done it again. I have been here many times before. Hurt myself again today. And, the worst part is there's no one else to blame. Be my friend. Hold me. Wrap me up. Unfold me. I am small, and needy. Warm me up, and breathe me. Ouch, I have lost myself again ... yeah, I think that I might break. Lost myself again, and I feel I'm safe."

To Be Cont.