Colossians 3:20

It's crazy when you do some scripture study and find scriptures that speak so strong to your heart. It's always important to forgive, but sometimes it's near impossible. 

Last night as I was driving to the church for a blessing, I was talking with God. I was asking him for answers to some of my hearts inner secrets. Things only He knows. My thoughts continued racing as I walked into the church building. I was asked to step into the Bishop's office. I sat down. 

As the Bishop entered he said, "This seems serious." I quickly lied, and said, "No, just life." I smiled, but could already feel the spirit, which made me yearn for the tears to fall. I think we all know what having the urge to cry, but can't, feels like.  

As the blessing was given to me through a member of my ward things were coming at me, that I needed to hear. Not only for healing purposes for the here and now, but for the future. 

This morning, through scripture study, I was directed to this scripture. I am viewing it in two ways. I want to direct this to my father, though I don't want to talk poorly on him. I know my Heavenly Father wouldn't be pleased. But, he has hurt me in many ways, ways I thought I had forgiven and forgotten.

Now that he (my father) has "provoked [his] child(ren) to anger" I am "discouraged." The benefit is that God has replaced the things I need from a father figure in those men around me. My Heavenly Father, grand-father, my uncle, and what was revealed to me as my Bishop.

I'm still discouraged that my relationship will never be the same with my father, and that upsets me. No one can replace what a father is meant for. Nothing can even compare. A father's love and affection is different than the love of father figures in ones life. My father brought light to many things I struggled with, and he was someone I knew would give it to me straight, but lift me up and bring hope into any one situation.

One thing is true, everything happens for a reason, and I'm up for the challenge to walk by Faith and accept that which is presented before me.

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. - Colossians 3:20

Anniversary

Today I am not just thankful, but blessed.

The first responders, including my hero, Pat Killian. 

Life-Flight. 

The UofU trauma team. 

The UofU Emergency Room nurses, and doctors. 

My orthopedic surgeon, Alpeesh Patel. 

My orthopedic surgeon, Erik Kubiak. 

My opthamologist Boopie Patel.

The UofU SICU floor. 

The UofU ICU floor. 

The IMC Rehabilitation floor. 

ALL of the nurses, doctors, and therapists that got me going again especially, Kristin my CNA. 

My Physical Therapists.

My Speech Therapists.

My mom.

My father.

My brother.

My family - even distant cousins who gave me healing blessings.

My friends.

My church leaders who not only made my blanket, but also who prayed and visited me in the hospital.

My classmates both at Itineris, and at Hillcrest.

My teachers both at Itineris, and Mr. Bentley at Hillcrest. 

My mentors - Ms. Bradfield, Ms. Putnam, Ms. Ward.

Members of my LDS faith who put my name in the Temple.

Members of my LDS faith who prayed for me.

Jesus Christ.

Heavenly Father.

I will never be the same. I will never feel normal, but what is normal? As I have been going through Therapy I have learned a lot. My anxiety has shortened. Letting others drive has heightened. But, when I talk about it, I still cry. I don't know if that will change. I do know that I think about it less. I worry about it less. I am beyond blessed for this. The trauma comes back to haunt me at the most inopportune times, but when it happens I am thankful to be able to remember all of the above individuals. I am reminded that you cannot go through life alone. I am reminded that even though it doesn't feel like others care, they do. Others care about you, more than you know. I am reminded to LOVE life. I truly know how to live. I will live. I will have the courage and strength to carry on, even though some days it feels impossible. 

What I carry away from this accident is the fact that everyone has a story. People have so much perseverance. I had to have the will to LIVE. My FAITH had to be strengthened. I had to become humble. I am here for a reason, a reason much larger than any selfish thing I can think of. I have a purpose - a true purpose - that only I can fulfill. 

Smile, it's only temporary.