Goddamned

I had to learn how to tell others that I believed in God, and I was shunned by many. I now am learning how to tell others I don't believe in God, and I feel just as shunned. I'm actually receiving more love, and acceptance from those that are very religious, over those that aren't. Maybe there is a God, and if you look back to a previous blog (Ho! Ho! Ho!) you'll find out more of what my thoughts are on this subject. I'm sure there will also be more I write about in the future. I adore the following song, but more important the person performing. 

I'm marching to Zion, a camera in my hand.
I hear people cryin', dyin' for this blood-stained land.
The streets of old Jerusalem are lined with souvenirs and those buying them.
It sounds cold but I cannot see how this theme park has shaped history.

'Cause virgins don't have babies
And water, it isn't wine
And there's a holy spirit, maybe
But she would never rent a room with walls built by mankind.
Mary and Mohammed are screaming through the clouds
For you to lay your goddamned arms down
Rip your bigot roots up from the earth and salt the goddamned ground

Stand in line patiently to super-charge your rosary
Or stuff your prayers inside this wall.
We once had God trapped in this great hall
But we've been cast out from this place
They say a prophet floated from here to outer space.
Am I crazy?
Maybe it's me, but this all sounds like mythology.

'Cause virgins don't have babies
And water, it isn't wine
And there's a holy spirit, maybe
But she would never rent a room with walls built by mankind
Mary and Mohammed are screaming through the clouds
For you to lay your goddamned arms down
Rip your bigot roots up from the earth and salt the goddamned ground

Zeus was afraid of his girlfriend so he swallowed her in bed
And he bore forth Athena when they cracked open his head
Her brother tried to rape her, Athena got away
And when his seed hit the ground the grass gave birth that day
Now we all freely admit this story's clearly bullshit
No one will lay down their life or start a war for it
So throw your stones and pray
You'll be rewarded some day
I hope it all goes your way
But something tells me no one's coming to save you
No one's coming to save you 
No one's coming to save you
Save yourself 
From turning earth into hell

No one's coming to save you
No one's coming to save you
No one's coming to save you
No one's coming to save you

Mary and Mohammed are screaming through the clouds
For you to lay your goddamned arms down
Rip your bigot roots up from the earth and salt the goddamned ground.

Colossians 3:20

It's crazy when you do some scripture study and find scriptures that speak so strong to your heart. It's always important to forgive, but sometimes it's near impossible. 

Last night as I was driving to the church for a blessing, I was talking with God. I was asking him for answers to some of my hearts inner secrets. Things only He knows. My thoughts continued racing as I walked into the church building. I was asked to step into the Bishop's office. I sat down. 

As the Bishop entered he said, "This seems serious." I quickly lied, and said, "No, just life." I smiled, but could already feel the spirit, which made me yearn for the tears to fall. I think we all know what having the urge to cry, but can't, feels like.  

As the blessing was given to me through a member of my ward things were coming at me, that I needed to hear. Not only for healing purposes for the here and now, but for the future. 

This morning, through scripture study, I was directed to this scripture. I am viewing it in two ways. I want to direct this to my father, though I don't want to talk poorly on him. I know my Heavenly Father wouldn't be pleased. But, he has hurt me in many ways, ways I thought I had forgiven and forgotten.

Now that he (my father) has "provoked [his] child(ren) to anger" I am "discouraged." The benefit is that God has replaced the things I need from a father figure in those men around me. My Heavenly Father, grand-father, my uncle, and what was revealed to me as my Bishop.

I'm still discouraged that my relationship will never be the same with my father, and that upsets me. No one can replace what a father is meant for. Nothing can even compare. A father's love and affection is different than the love of father figures in ones life. My father brought light to many things I struggled with, and he was someone I knew would give it to me straight, but lift me up and bring hope into any one situation.

One thing is true, everything happens for a reason, and I'm up for the challenge to walk by Faith and accept that which is presented before me.

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. - Colossians 3:20

Stand with LOVE

"If you have questions, ask. There are plenty of people that are more than willing to help you and be there for you." Tonight as I left the International Transgender Day of Remembrance, these words stuck with me. This was an amazing event. Not only was it humbling, but it brought out emotions I just don't know what to do with. I don't want to question my Faith, but I cannot help it.

I can assure you these emotions weren't what the event coordinators had planned, but I can also assure you that these emotions were real. I felt the spirit tonight stronger than I have in a long time. No, these individuals weren't all brought to justice, but I feel like I was able to be apart of something larger than my mortal state. 

I will take a stand. I will not fall silent, no matter how much one may think that I need to mind my own business. Humanity is my business. Loving everyone is my business. Standing up and sticking up for others is MY business. I stand with LOVE. Although, some individuals may have problems with this, I do not, and the Holy Ghost testified to me this evening that my convictions were true, and just.  


Morally there are no sidelines in a struggle between oppressors and the oppressed. All that oppressors ask from the rest of us is to mind our own business, so by attempting neutrality we implicitly side with the oppressors. If we are truly an interconnected web, then we cannot simply blame the actions of the powerful for the injustice in our society; injustice is also the result of countless inactions by those with a responsibility to our fellow human beings." - Tim DeChristopher