Past Tense

One day I talk about him as if I am going to hang out with him within the hour. 

The next day I talk about him as if he has been gone for a very long time.

My reality is different from day to day. Bare with me.

Sixteen.

At sixteen he died from Congenital Heart Failure, caused by a disease called Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy.

At sixteen he never drove.

At sixteen he had dreams and passions which few knew of. 

 His love was stronger and deeper than anything I have ever known.

He.

He was my brother.

It's a struggle, you see. One day, it is simple. One day, it is too much to bare.

I always knew it would be difficult; not quite like this.

People talk about how it was meant to be. 

People talk about how he was 'needed' more in Heaven.

My response:

He is not needed more in heaven. God did not need another angel.

I don't find it selfish that I still wish he was still here.

I volunteered for a Hospice Agency, and it was a wonderful experience.

A total of four years. 

I saw the happiness, sadness, and anger many family members wore on their faces.

I watched tears run down so many cheeks.

I witnessed the truest of smiles.

I heard depth from lips.

Hospice, on the other side. 

On the side of your own loved one is not the same.

Coming to the realization that the person you love more than life itself is dying; is not fun.

It is not easy.

It is not worth the pain. 

Trying to figure out if it is okay to laugh without him has been hard.

Trying to figure out if I shouldn't cry because it would 'make him sad' has been hard. 

Staying up late at night wishing you would have done more, said more, been more or loved him more has been hard.

Thinking you're out of the grieving process, when it hits you that you are back at the very beginning. 

Not wanting to talk about him.

Wanting to talk about him, but not feeling right about it.

I simply miss him. Everything about him. Even the parts that are very sad about him. 

John Timothy (Jt) Nimmo.

Him.

Lil' Broski.

Brother.

Friend.

Favorite Hero.

Favorite Person.

Promise to Humanity

When I was a young child, I thought I wanted to be a Veterinarian and go to UC Davis in California.

When I was an adolescent, I thought I wanted to be The President of the United States of America.

When I was a teenager, I thought I wanted to be a Pilot in the Air Force, a War Veteran Psychologist, then a Nurse.

When I was a young adult, I thought I wanted to be an English Teacher.

Now that I am a twenty-something, I am a Social Worker. I am what I never knew about as a child. Now that I am getting prepared to go to graduate school in order to find a 'realistic' career, I am nervous. One thing is for sure however, I am meant to be a Social Worker. I actually cannot see myself being anything but a Social Worker. I had an interview regarding my practicum placement (internship.) When I sat down with Elizabeth she asked me if I wanted to do clinical social work, I blurted out 'NO' so quick, that I think I may have startled her. She looked at me, nodded, and said, 'Alright, well what is your plan?' I let her know that macro (community based) Social Work would fit me best. She nodded in approval, and said, 'That fits your concentration perfectly.' As our conversation continued she said, you may have to do some one-on-one, however. I nodded in approval, and claimed that I understood. I'm just such a baby when it comes to having to do things for my first time. I don't want to do one-on-one. I'm not ready, I'm not trained. I was thinking all of this while she continued to talk to me about different placements. Luckily, I know that I AM ready. I know that I WILL be trained. I know that I can handle whatever Social Work throws at me, because this is what I am meant to do. It's not all that often when I am so sure about something that I feel it deep in my soul.

This month is Social Work month, and with that I felt I wanted to come out to the world with my promise to humanity:

I promise to always do my best. I promise to always put others before myself in such a way that doesn't cause harm to either party. I promise to never place judgment upon a person based off of my own opinions, and experiences. I promise to love each person that I come in contact with, and to make sure they feel loved before leaving my presence. I promise to bring happiness with my aura, and I promise to be that light for others. I promise to continue my journey, because so many others aren't able to. I promise to never give up on anyone, ever. I promise to believe in life, love, and each personal pursuit of happiness. I promise to love with all my heart, body, mind, and soul.

LOVE IS THE ONLY WAY. 

Attitude Change

My sweet soon-to-be-husband bought me a kitty for Valentine's Day. Now, it took two days to find 'the one' but when we found him, we knew. Chris tried to get one for me ON Valentine's Day, but wasn't sure about the temperament of the cat. He wanted me to meet the cat before her bought her. Well, as we went to see the cats he had seen previously, I didn't feel any connection toward the cat he wanted to buy me. Although, I had a connection with another cat named Nala. Well, the process to get her took forever, and the lady was so disrespectful when she was going through the process that we just got up and left. The customer service we received at The Humane Society was the worst that I have ever received.

When I returned home I was almost instantly on KSL looking for my new friend. I compiled a list of five that I wanted to go and see. GEEZE! This process was no joke. Well, the next morning we called around, many were already sold. But, there was one that I was drawn to in Midvale, which I had missed the previous day. Chris called and set up the appointment to go and see it. We got there, and the cat was adorable - very play ful, just what I wanted. Chris then says, 'Well, we have a few more places to go and see some other cats. We will let you know.' In my mind I am thinking what a freaking jerk! I want this cat. As I am angrily walking back to the car he is explaining that they aren't telling us something about the cat. (Now, previously when I don't follow his instincts bad things happen, i.e. my old apartment for instance.) So, as we talk back and forth, I decided that I would be okay not getting that cat.

When I got home, I searched some more, and more, and more ... Many phone calls and texts later, and we were off to see a cat in West Jordan. Once we got into the house we met this BIG seven month old kitty. When I say BIG, I mean like a 10 pound cat. I loved her, she was white and gray with blue eyes. She was absolutely adorable. I told the kid that we had a few more cats to go and look at, and that we would be in contact. As we got in the car we talked for about ten minutes. Since this cat didn't have a carrier I wanted to go and see if there was a decent priced carrier at PETCO around the corner. Well, they were 30 bucks, and I was thinking, no way am I buying a thirty dollar carrier for a twenty minute ride. Chris then saw that they had cats for adoption there at PETCO. We walked into the area, and I found THE kitty. Chris flagged someone down and she came over to help us. This lady was so NICE, and helpful. We really appreciated how kind she was.

The price went from free (getting a cat off KSL.) with all the litter box, litter, food, toys, water and food bowl, brushes etc. to 75 for the cat and 70 for all of the necessities (including a scratch post, brush, toy, food, litter and litter box.) I felt bad, because I didn't mean to break the bank for my Valentine's Day present, but Chris just kept saying, it's okay ... it is the cat you want. Not the cat you feel you need to get because you cannot find 'THE' one.

I LOVE this kitty. He is grey - without blue eyes. But, I can give a little to get the PERFECT cat for me; temperament wise. His name is STAR, and he is 6 months old. Star is sweet, loving, inquisitive, and fast!

Chris does really well with him, and I like watching the way he interacts with him. I know it is a cat, and cats and babies are different, but it makes me excited for when we have children. I know he will be a great father, and this is another reason why I love this man.

Star has already helped me to be more present. I cannot raise my voice too high or he gets scared. I have to walk lighter, be more conscious, and be more aware of my surroundings. I'm excited, because I feel like I need a friend like him, he will affect me in more ways that he even understands. My heart feels a little better, my soul feels a lot better, and I feel such a sense of responsibility over a kitten. It makes me feel needed, and I like that feeling.

Here is to an amazing journey ahead. Get ready for my 'crazy cat lady' stories. I promise I will only have one cat for a long while, however.

For My Birthday

My best friend won't be here this year.
Eyes cannot dry out.
Soul cannot be still.
Heart cannot be mended.
Memories cannot be fulfilled.
Sleep cannot cover the pain.
Words cannot calm.
Dreams cannot make up.
My best friend won't be here this year.

My wish is that you could be here physically, but I know that cannot happen. So, until I see you again please continue to be my strength. 

I love you, forever and foralways. 

One heart, Two souls.

The Most Important Part

I would say this is my fifth time getting back on the horse. If I have to get on twenty more times I will, but I don't want to. I'm starting out slow, as slow as a babies first crawl, or even a child's first time riding a bike. I may stumble, but I won't fall off completely this time. This time I am starting with nutrition. I am taking it at a different angle. This time instead of working out first then introducing a new diet, I am introducing a new diet then introducing the fitness. EVEN THOUGH I AM DOING SMALL HOME WORKOUTS ALONG THE WAY.  

I used to get injured at the gym, and fall off of two horses - nutrition and physical activity. At least at this point I will have something to fall back on, nutrition. They say 80% of weight loss is in the kitchen, though I don't totally agree with that, I know there is some truth that you cannot do one without the other - but I know that nutrition is what keeps you balanced. Other benefits are that my acne will clear up, and my state of mind, and mental capacity will improve. 

I just have to remember it doesn't happen over night. Also, that no matter what; I need to love myself, and love my body. You only get one, may as well treat it right. I am learning to love my body, and that's the most important part.

xo my darlings!

Kas

Mrs. Mohlakola

I wanted to take this time and thank my fiance for making me a better woman every day of my life. The best part of our relationship is how I fall more and more in love, every day, with this man. He is the sweetest, funniest, calmest, most sincere person that I know. He is my anchor, and helps me to keep firm in my foundation. He is my best friend, my soul-mate, my rabbit, my anchor. He tells me like it is, holds me to my word, and accepts me for who I am, whole-heartedly. I have never felt this kind of unconditional love until I met Christopher. He is my other half, the person that I need, and the person that I want. Thank you for loving me through everything. You are my rock, you are my happy place, and you mean everything to me.  

i should have been in the kitchen

11/01/2013:

as we had that sweet conversation 

he was vulnerable 

the way i had never seen him

beautifully vulnerable

in a vibrant way

his touch is a touch to remember

his tears are tears that pierce my heart

even still to this day.

11/02/2013:

sadness

desperation

disbelief 

filled the room

the funeral director arrived

she was pushed into the kitchen

many others followed

as the sister it was my duty to stay

images like his tears 

images like his touch

pierce my heart

not even as close

as watching the move 

from bed

to

stretcher

bones.cracking.hearts.shattering

i should have been in the kitchen

Although, it has been a huge sigh of relief my heart is still broken.

They were right, they were really right. 

All I know is that I am left here ... without you. Missing you, wishing you were still here to be with me. To sit with me, and just chill with each other. To simply be. siblings. 

Two souls.

One heart.

ily.

PROTEST for Fictitious DUI(s)

On Thursday, December 19th, 2013 I will stand in solidarity with my boyfriend's mother, sister, and any other human rights activists willing to stand in support of unlawful DUI's, and in particular my boyfriend's. We are not standing there to shame ALL West Jordan Police or to say they are ALL are corrupt, or at fault. We are simply standing there to say, we will not go away, until these bogus DUI's cease to continue.

If you aren't doing anything, and would like to join with us in protest before his hearing on December 19th, 2013 please do so. If you can stay for the hearing as well, he would love any additional support. 

Below are photos, videos, and links for additional information. Also, at the protest we will have the documents supporting our cause. Proof of NO alcohol, and NO illegal drugs in his blood work. Also, the witness' statement, along with the police reports. His mother also has and ongoing petition you can sign online, or at the protest on Thursday.

12/09/2013

12/10/2013

12/11/2013

12/17/2013

12/17/2013

12/17/2013

12/17/2013

12/17/2013

Watch this video - Victoria explaining why we are out protesting:

Until I can upload the video of Victoria victoriously delivering the petition this morning, here is the link to it: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10152111026216967&set=o.600666959994944&type=2&theater

Thank you for your time!

Kasandra Atkinson

The LINK to the protest's Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/events/600666959994944/?ref_dashboard_filter=upcoming

The LINK to the online petition - additional names will be taken to the Governor daily: http://petitions.moveon.org/sign/utah-judge-kunzs-court-1.fb40?source=c.fb.ty&r_by=2084158

The day I quit . . .

As a young adult, I have experimented with alcohol. I'm sorry, but if you tell a human NOT to do something, they're more than likely going to do it. Like when you tell a young child not to touch the stove, it's 'hot', the child has to touch the stove to find out for his/her self . . .  or else they'll never learn. I think, this example holds true to many other aspects of life.

Today I am thankful for the will power my Heavenly Father has given me. It has been a true two month sobriety for myself. That's right, two months. I am not here to brag or boast, nor am I here to applaud myself. 

I in no way, shape, or form think a drink once in a while is a bad thing. Really, I don't. But, when you're using it to cope, when you're using it to numb, or when you use it and you change as a person ( as a whole) I think that is where the issue rises. 

Why did I stop? Well, I could see it being an issue in my future. I wanted a well-rounded life. I didn't want to sit in depression with everything that has gone on in the past month and drink my sorrows away. 

All I can say is that I am proud that I put the adult beverages down, saw that now was not the time, nor the place for such beverages. I am glad that I have the knowledge that drinking does no good for the body, mind, heart and/or soul. 

Love one another :) 

Asheleigh Ramirez

You have friends in your life that are put in your life for a reason. Today, Asheleigh Ramirez is the one that I am thankful for. This girl has been by my side, even when we were too young to realize what friends really were. I remember her being told by another person in our friend circle that I kissed her boyfriend, Victor. This started the feud we had between each other. I wouldn't ever kiss a boy that I knew a friend liked. I was too shy for that anyways. Through the years we laughed, cried, hated, and loved with and toward each other. Her home felt like my home, and I was envious when other friends of ours got her attention more than me. I fought for her time, for her friendship, and I would do it all again if I had to. Asheleigh is the reason I like Usher and B2K. I cannot listen to either of their music and not think of her. I was in Asheleigh's Quienceanera, which was an amazing celebration of such a beautiful woman. Now, we get together every so often and have girl's nights/days and it is amazing. I can go to her for her honest opinion, and I know that I will get it. I know that she only has my best interest in mind, and that she loves me whether I accept her advice, or not. My love for her isn't your average love for a friend. She is my sister, my other half, and quite possibly my soul mate. Soul mate to some is a romantic partner, but I am taking it further than that. Asheleigh knows me inside and out, she loves me for me. The best part is her child. When she told me she was pregnant I was stunned, to be honest. Now that he is here, and now that he is part of my life, I love him like I do my own baby cousins. He is just as much family as Asheleigh is. I am a blessed woman to have these two incredible people in my life.    I love you, girl. 

P.S. 

I promise to never forget how to spell your name, ever. 

Jinx

To think that I had jinxed myself. I had told myself that life was going so great, that life was beautiful, than nothing could get me down. Now, I wish I could take that all back. The Lord had given me a break from any trauma, any loss, any upsetting events in order to be able to handle my current situation. He won't give me more than I can handle. BUT, one thing is for sure. I'm not testing fate anymore. I just hope that I begin to feel soon, and that I can deal with the mess of loss in my heart. 

Beautiful Blue Eyes

Today has been a huge day of reflection. I wanted to drop off a treat for Pat (my hero, the man who saved my life on 11/14/2007) on the six year anniversary of a motor vehicle accident that I was in. I planned ahead and bought him a Hickory Farms sausage/cheese/cracker package and a Ferrero Rocher chocolate package with white/milk/dark hazelnut chocolate deliciousness. All with a really sweet, simple, card. 

When he met me at the front door of the Fire Station he said, "Those big blue eyes, I would recognize those big blue eyes anywhere!" He introduced me to some of his fellow crew members before we went and sat down in his office. He proceeded to tell me his story, that of which I have never heard. He said, “I have a few things to talk to you about.” As I began to shake, and feel tears form, I had the largest smile I have had in a really long time. He proceeded to look at me, and as I looked in his own bright blue eyes I knew his soul. I knew that we were meant to meet. I knew that he was meant to help save me. 

He told me that he was so pissed off, because the DMV moved locations, and he needed to do his yearly registration on his truck.   He could see the aftermath of some sort of accident, and he told himself that 'this couldn't be happening'. He told me that there must have been a lot that he was supposed to do that day, though he couldn't recall what. He pulled over, and was assessing the situation when a lady came up and said that she was a nurse. He said that he could see B and J in the front seat, and that they were breathing, when a guy called him over and said there is someone in the backseat. Pat said that he jumped on the trunk as both doors were jammed, as he couldn't get them to open. He then called two guys over and said, ‘look, I need your help! This girl doesn't appear to be breathing. You both need to pull on that door, but don't hurt yourself.'      The first pull, nothing. The second pull, the door unjammed.      Pat told me that earlier today (11/14/13) he went to a scene of an accident and that they couldn't even get the Jaws of Life to get this guy out, and unfortunately his story doesn't have the same happy ending. He said that the car I was in was worse than this guy’s vehicle, and the door just unjammed. He paused; he said 'that is just amazing' then preceded. He told me that when he finally got in the car I wasn't breathing, he took his knife out (mind you he is off duty as a paramedic, and doesn't have his gear with him) and was getting ready to do a tracheotomy on me with this knife, when someone said, "wait, the seat belt it is all twisted around her." He couldn't see the seat belt as I was laying on it. He said he cut off the seat belt and thanked God he didn't have to do a tracheotomy with his pocket knife. He said that he then took the vomit out of my mouth, and my eyes opened, and "those blue eyes, those beautiful bright blue eyes stared at me." He said it felt like thirty minutes to get the choppers in the area, even though it had been maybe six minutes. He said, "Then you were in the chopper, and they weren't leaving and I was pacing back and forth, worried." He said he later found out that the computers were down at the new IMC in Murray, and that is why it took so long. 

On another note, think about how everything works together, like a well oiled machine. If the DMV hadn't moved locations . . . I wouldn't be here. If he the door wouldn't have opened . . . I wouldn't be here. If IMC's computers had been up I wouldn't have gotten the best care. If I wouldn't have gone to the U, I wouldn't be here to tell my story. 

The best part of tonight was when he said, "Your outlook on life is special, young lady. You don't see this as the end of the road. You didn't see it as a woe is me; you saw it as well, and look what I can do! Not look at what I cannot do. Amazing! Look at what you're doing for others. Most people wouldn't have done half of what you have done, including being able to walk, talk, and graduate." 

He then walked me out to my car, hugged me and said he couldn't wait for his kids to meet me. He said, 'forgive me for not knowing today was the anniversary, it's not that I don't remember you, or think about you often. He said, on my hardest days, when things don't go the way I would have wanted them to go, I remember that car door, and I remember those big blue eyes. I remember that it is out of my control, that I CAN do my job, that I KNOW my job, that I am proficient.'  I can now see why he didn't consider him my hero, what an incredible, humble, amazing, man. 

Everything happens for a reason. Smile, because it's only temporary :)

xo,

Kas 

07/22/1997 ~ 11/02/2013

My sweet baby brother passed away on November 2nd, 2013 at 3:20 am. He was the light of my life. Luckily, on November 1st, 2013 before I left his home I was able to read a sweet letter from a family friend. This letter had a lot to do with the after life. Jt told me he was no longer scared. That even though he was going into the unknown, for him, he knew it would be beautiful. I wanted to stay, something was pulling me to stay, but I left around 8:30. I was a fortunate person to be able to sit and hold his hand. I was able to tell him how much I loved him, how much I looked up to him, and how proud I was of him. I told him he was the strongest person that I knew, and he thanked me, so humbly. Jt was very emotional with me that evening, which surprised me. Usually he tells everyone to be strong, but as he choked back the tears, he told me he loved me. He asked me to hold his hand, and we cried. I was able to have the last deep conversation with my brother, and I will always be thankful for that. 

As the viewing ensued, emotions were raised, and many a tear fell. Jt was loved by EVERYONE that he met. How amazing is that? Many talked, including grandma, mom, aunt Nonie, Jessie, Trevor, Noah, many friends from school and myself. My sweet students from Hillcrest drew/wrote me cards. I broke, and that was okay. I needed some sort of sign that I needed to get back to Hillcrest. Dres Anderson, and Reggie Dunn came to his viewing as well. When they walked through the door I broke down so hard, because I knew it was what Jt would have wanted. I was separating Dres and Reggie from football, and seeing them in their true light. I rushed up to Dres, and he stepped back quickly. I hugged him, and didn't want to let go. I was SO happy he was there for Jt. Jt was wearing a number 6 jersey, which is Dres' jersey number. He felt honored. 

Tonight was Jt's Remembrance - at Hillcrest. There was a lot of food, including dessert. My brother Chris was there, and that was really nice. It was like a breath of fresh air. He also came with my new friend Annika. My friend Alexis came with her mom, and her baby. Matt and Stacey performed Who You'd be Today - by Kenny Chesney. Which was amazing. After which my mom spoke a little bit, and then my grandma, Rickie, cousin Danny, aunt Mare, Ryan, myself, and a few of his friends spoke. After we let the balloons go for Jt in Heaven his friends Nate Orchard, and Jeremiah Tofaeono (J.T.) stopped by and watched the picture video that Rickie had put together. They hugged my mother and I, and once again I found myself separating the football aspect, and fell in love with their kindness. They are true gentlemen, and were so needed in the moment that they were there. Jt will definitely bless them for their good works.  

My mom talked about how Jt's everyday hat was not in the stuff we had packed, but yet was in my car ready to be placed out to show. Which is proof he is here with us still. Then, many of his friends talked about how Jt probably saved lives by being so loving and kind toward everyone. Also, one of his girl friend's said that one of her girl friend's wanted to ask Jt to a dance, but that she was scared of rejection. Little did she know that Jt was scared of rejection as well. 

I can honestly say that I have learned a lot on how to be a better person by knowing Jt. As his sister I never saw these sides of Jt, because well, I'm his sister. But, hearing of these stories makes me love him ten times more than I did before, and I loved him a lot! Jt was an amazing human being. To be so perfect, that Heavenly Father wants him back early, is amazing.

Bro, I cannot wait to see you again. Please get paradise ready, and make it to where the Utes win every game. Only if you have some extra time! Watch over those of us who need you most. I love you, and you're always welcome in my pad. Lord knows you never came to hang out when you were with us. Please make your presence clear, that would be legit AF. 

God knows how I miss you. All the hell that I've been through, just knowing no one could take your place. ~ You're always in my heart, never forgotten. Rest in Paradise 

Balloon Bouquet 

The set up at Jt's Remembrance.

Letting the balloons free, to fly to Heaven. 

All of our sweet notes for Jt in Heaven. 

Balloons sure do know how to put a smile on my face. 

Do what makes your soul shine.

Thanks for the insight. Keep it coming. Love you, times infinity. XOXO

~ Sissy

Today I am Thankful . . .

Today I am thankful for my current place of business. Today is my three year anniversary of working here. I cannot tell you the happiness and joy I get from working in these group homes. I have learned the value of unconditional love. I have learned patience. I have learned how much people with disabilities can impact your life on such an amazing level. I love my ladies, and really I love every client in this company. They each have such amazing strengths. I learn something new everyday, and even on my toughest days I would rather be working here than anywhere else!

Today I am Thankful . . .

Today I am thankful for friends and family. I am thankful for friends who have turned into family. I am also thankful for family who have turned into friends. It is amazing how people can band together to love and support each other. It is amazing to feel love from someone simply through a text message. It is amazing the love that my family, and friends are as supportive and loving as they are. Thank you.

xo,

Kas

Today I am Thankful . . .

I find it so uplifting to know that there are amazing people in the world. These people make me want to be better! Today on 11/01/2013 I am thankful to every donor that has donated money on the GoFundMe website. My brother can have his mother at his side, and that to me is key in this end of life experience. Not only is it beneficial to JT, but also to my mother. 

T H A N K   Y O U ! ! ! 

XO,

Kas

Keep Calm and Fight Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy

I have heard J.T. referred to as John far too much the past few weeks. John is my great-grandfather's name, my grandfather's name, my uncle's name, and my brother's name. But, J.T. doesn't go by John. Typically we correct people on his name, but it's hard for doctors with all their patients, to call someone by their nickname. After a week of them being around at Primary Children's Hospital, they soon all called him J.T. 

J.T. has been my rock, although he may not know this, because I've never told him (that I can remember). He is the reason I am the person that I am. Granted, those that helped raise me, my friends, my past, and present experiences, etc. have a lot to do with why I am the way I am, HE is the biggest reason. I am a Social Worker because of him, I am a Program Director working with people with disabilities because of him. I am wanting to do Special Education because of him. EVEN though he wants nothing to do with the SPED. he is my reason. 

God sends us special people. I have seen him change people, just by them knowing of him. He is an inspiration to all the lives he has touched. J.T. is the reason so many of us in the family have patience (HEY! Imagine the patience some of the adults had before he came along ;)). It is the reason so many of us in the family have a deeper relationship with God, and Jesus Christ. It is the reason so many of us have a deeper love for football. It is the reason so many of us have more grey hair. It is the reason so many of us have more migraines. Okay, back on track. What I am trying to say is that we ALL love J.T.!!!

At this point, I find it my duty as his big (not that way!) and oldest (not that old!) sister to help him with one of his last wishes. He wants our mother to be able to be home with him. No one can fill a mother's spot, no one. He wants her there, and I want to make that as possible as I can. She has run out of PTO (paid time off) and has no sick/vacation time as she has not been with her company long enough. 

If you would read the following, and help donate, even a dollar or two! Everything helps. Rent, bills, car payments, any of the odds and ends that J.T. may want or need, etc. It is helping out my baby brother, and my mother. They are my loves, my faves, and my family. I want them to both be able to have this time together. If you're unable to donate, pass this on to a friend, maybe they can, or they know someone who can donate! MUCH LOVE to everyone who has been apart of this entire process. Thank you, from the bottom of our hearts, thank you :) 

J.T. is a sixteen year old young man. He is currently in extreme Congenital Heart Failure, because of his Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. He is a lover of the University of Utah football team, and his favorite player is Dres Anderson. He loves all of the guys on the team, and all of the coaches. If you have any questions concerning football, he is your guy. He has been blessed to have met some of the players, and the head coach, Kyle Whittingham. At this time we are asking for assistance in bringing together some funds so that his mother may be at his bedside, as it is one of his last wishes. J.T. is amazing, and we love him more than words can even attempt to say.

Also please be praying. PLEASE, PLEASE try and help. Thank you. You can donate at Wells Fargo under JT Nimmo or herehttp://www.gofundme.com/4yypgk" 

A Second Wish Granted

My brother was given a wish when he was young. You see, my brother hasn't had a long life. The way I break it down is walking years, and wheelchair years. Either way, they are years, years that we have cherished. My brother's first wish was granted during his walking years. Through Make-A-Wish he was sent to Florida where we stayed in a beautiful place, filled with happiness and joy. He went to Walt Disney World, and Universal Studios. The family went with, well, besides grandpa. I know he enjoyed his 'vacation' of having no one around for a week. This first wish was special, because he was a wide-eyed, naive, not-knowing-what-the-reality-of-his-life-would-be, child.

Last night, my brother had another wish granted to him. Through family friends, and a hospice nurse, Coach Whittingham came to my brother's home. I cried, and smiled. My heart was full of happiness for my little brother. Five minutes later, four linemen were at the door knocking. They filled the room, as they were linemen (you don't realize how big they are until there is no room in the living room!) They visited with my brother, and admired all of the decor in my mom's home. Everywhere Coach turned he saw Utah, Utah, Utah. Coach was proud, you could see it in his smile. He gave my brother a visor of his that he has worn in past games. Then, Coach asked J if he wanted to come down on the field before, and after the game. He asked J if he wanted to get a tour of the locker room. He was wide-eyed, and happy, only he wasn't naive, and he now knows what the reality of his life will be.

Life is beautiful, life is fragile. Don't take it for granted. When you have bad days, smile, because it's all only temporary. Most importantly, do what is important to you. Do what you really love, and never go a day without telling the ones that you love, how much you love them.

xo,
Kas

Graduate School

When I entered my Cultural Diversity and Understanding classroom at The University of Utah, College of Social Work, I had no idea that I was going to fall passionately in love with school, far more than I had ever fallen in love with anything.

My cohorts often discussed what they were going to do, and what their next step was. Often the topic of graduate (grad) school would come up, and I would shut down. I thought that my Bachelor of Social Work would be plenty, that my thirst for knowledge would diminish once I had my degree. It's not that I didn't think I was good enough, or that I didn't deserve to go to graduate school. I simply had minimal desire to go. 

I "graduated" in December of 2012, and having eight months of a break I began the process of contemplating grad school. After nine months of a break I began the process of asking, timidly, if people I looked up to within the Social Work profession, would be willing to write a recommendation for grad school. After I received a plethora of "yes", "of course", "it would be an honor", and "I was waiting for you to ask." I knew that I needed to apply. 

Now, after a month of completing a few lists, gathering items, and countless hours of writing I have submitted my application. It wouldn't have been possible without so many amazing people helping me attain the courage to actually start the thought process of graduate school. These people, who were so generous, are individuals I will never be able to repay in any way shape or form. That folks, is Social Work.

I uploaded the documents needed. I double, and triple checked the application. I typed in the numbers on my debit card. I hit submit. I typed my full time. I hit the "I agree/I understand" button. Then the "Thank you" page popped up on my screen. I had just sent in my application for graduate school. 

I sat, dumbfounded, had I just sent it? I really, really, just sent it. Then, I cried. I cried happy tears. I cried because I was doing something I once had never even known about. I cried because I was doing something I once never thought possible. I cried because I was doing something I once was told would never happen. I cried because I was finally proud of myself. I, Kasandra, am proud. I cannot tell you how great that feels. I am happy. 

xoxo,
Kas

Great-Grandma: Floris P. Cole

My great-grandmother was one of the most amazing women that I have ever know, in my entire life, no contest. I was lucky to live right down the street from her for many years as a young child. Not only that, but she was the glue to my family. My fondest memories of her was when I would have sleep overs and she would spoil me like none other by: 

1. Tickling my feet 
2. Making me the PERFECT peanut butter and honey sandwiches (she always knew just how much to put on each side.) 
3. She would always let me play dress up, by putting on all of her different lip stick, and blush. 
4. I was fond of her goody drawer; full of all types of pastries. 
5. I would go down in her sewing room, where I would look at all of her different buttons.
6. We would watch ice skating together. 
7. Thanksgiving Day games at the table after dinner, between pie. 
8. The Santa Claus sack, of which I remember some of the most random presents (especially toward the end of her life, and deeper dementia.) 
9. The conversations I would have with her, and when she would always talk about her cordial cherry chocolates that her father would give to her for both her birthday and Christmas. 
10. The way she would always let me talk, and talk, and talk, and she always made me feel like everything I had to say was the most important thing in the world. 
11. Playing tic-tac-toe, hangman, monkey in the barrel, and pick-up-sticks. ALL of which was in her buffet in the dining room. 
12. Going through her jewelry in her back bedroom and thinking of how glamorous she was as a young woman/middle-aged woman. 
13. Moving in, and living with her and listening to all of her funny stories, mostly because of her dementia. 
14. Sitting on the porch with her, and visiting with Mr. Sheriff (the crossing guard.) 
15. Her never letting you leave without at least accepting a drink from her. 
16. Her fridge downstairs that was old SKOOL, which you used a screw driver to open the fridge with.
17. When she first got zipper, and she would jump up into your arms and bark at herself in the mirror. 
18. Her yell, which was my whisper.
19. Going out to lunch with her and my Aunt Marilyn . . . and all the Sunday drives. 
20. Most of all I loved my great-grandma for all of the love that I felt, and continue to feel from her. She may be gone, but she will love on forever. 

I love her for all of the wonderful things that she stood for, and continues to stand for. I still don't know her religious preference. I still don't know her political stance. I just know that she is the type of woman that if anyone said anything bad about her, I wouldn't be able to believe it. That is how I want to live my life. I want to love everyone. Laugh often. Forgive easily. Talk calmly.Oh, yeah, and love, love, love. 

I miss you! GONE, but NOT FORGOTTEN. Love you forever and for always. 09/09/09