For the LOVE of Documentaries.

"My obsession has been — and is still — the feeling of being there. Not of finding out this and analyzing this or performing some virtuous social act or something. Just what's it like to be there." - Richard Leacock

Except, I want to do just that, a virtuous social act. When I watch documentaries I am reminded that ONE person can change the world, and that ONE person can be me. Not that having other people with your same vision isn't pertinent, and useful. I enjoy knowing other people want to change the world as well. 

This evening I watched two and a half documentaries. The first one was A Ripple of Hope which was about Robert Kennedy and the need he felt to speak out to people of color when Martin Luther King Jr. was shot. I am a HUGE admirer of MLKJ, but never did I know the things MR. Robert Kennedy did, not only through activism but through humanism. A reason why I say I am a humanist. I don't want to be labeled as a Mormon, or a Liberal Democrat, I want to be labeled as a Humanist. 

"Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and those ripples build a current which can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance."

Senator Robert F. Kennedy, June 6 1966 (South Africa address)

Next I watched a show called Barbershop Brothers - and I quite enjoyed it, but felt that it was purely enjoyable, but I wanted to learn something! Hence the reason I moved on to another documentary .

The last one I watched was New Muslim Cool, the things I learned! I cannot express how much heartbreak, and love, I have for those of the Muslim Faith. They are amazing people. This documentary talked about how the FBI targeted a family of recently converted Muslims in Pittsburgh. Not only did they have cameras surrounding their mosque, but they raided that mosque, for no reason. The person they were looking for was already arrested, and placed in the back of a police car. Yet, the FBI still busted down the doors, on a Friday, during one of the prayer times. Like they said in the documentary, "tell me this would happen in a Christian church on a Sunday." F'real doe. It definitely makes me appreciate the faith, and the people, ten fold. 

You can watch all three of these videos on Netflix, but here is a preview of the last one I watched. Much love!
“Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.”
Just love one another, learn about a new culture, and accept people as they are, don't try and change them. 

Twisted Thinking - Therapy Session #4

Today in Therapy my counselor suggested that I have Twisted Thinking/Distorted Thinking especially in the aspect of Jumping to Conclusions in the realm of Fortune Telling and Mind-reading.

I hate change, as most people do - but I REALLY hate change. Here soon I will be doing a lot of changes, and my counselor thinks I'm ready . . . so here I go face first into a dive. Which is another thing we talked about.

My anxiety is now in the realm of "normal" anxiety, whoever calls it normal is CRAZY. This is not normal. I feel totally out of control when my anxiety hits. BUT, I am learning to deal with it in a positive manner. I'm so excited to be a grown up, dealing with my feelings like a "normal person", again who's to say who is normal? As I go onward and upward I have a lot of people to thank, especially the big guy upstairs :)

Smile, it's all only temporary!

FHMC

My seminar professor hates when people use acronyms, and then doesn't tell people what the acronyms stand for - This acronym stands for the four topics I am going to blog about: football, homelessness, marriage, and a change of heart, mind, and soul.

Football: Tomorrow is the black out football game, a game I have been looking forward to for some time now. I absolutely love football, and I cannot wait to go. My mom is going to be going with me as well, so I'm beyond stoked. It's at 7:45 at night, so it will be extremely cold, but I don't mind.  

Homelessness: As I was driving home the other day from I believe my mom's house in Midvale I got off of the freeway exit closest to my apartment. As I was driving past a laundry-mat these elderly people of color were scouring the sidewalks, gutters, and streets for any money they could find. I began to get emotional. After my mom's I had just went to the grocery store for a couple items such as bananas and apples - I pulled over into the parking lot, handed them the bananas, apples, and celery. I then asked them if they would like to get in my car to warm up and I'd take them to get a hot chocolate or coffee. The lady said, "Oh, no!" we couldn't do that you've done enough. I proceeded to say well, I don't think I have done hardly enough. The lady said, "no one has been this kind to us, even at the shelters we're treated different because of our skin color." I began to cry. The elderly man said, "don't cry, you're far too beautiful to be crying. You have such a good heart, do not let things get to your heart like that. Guard your heart, but not your mind." I took them over to the convenient store, got them a large warm beverage, asked them where they needed a ride to - then again declined. I persisted, they said they were fine. I invited them to sit in my car a bit longer, they thanked me and said God Bless. I still feel so helpless - but hey they had some nutritious food, and warm beverages in their stomach. I'm beyond privileged.

Marriage: I went to a wedding this evening for two of my very good friends. As I got there, everything was fine. As I hugged one of my friends I cried, I apologized for crying, and cried some more. He looked at me and said, "I love you, you know that right?" I then proceeded to cry. It was (selfish) sorrow, gratitude, happiness, and love that was flooding my face. This in turn made him tear up, which in turn made me cry again. I hugged him, said congratulations, walked away and wept. I then saw the bride and she was absolutely gorgeous, the tears ceased, until I was in my car and as I was driving back I began to get emotional, and could feel that my heart was so heavy. I have a love/hate relationship with marriage and weddings. 

Change of heart and mind: I have changed from inside out. I am a different person, internally. Life is looking up. I couldn't be more proud of myself. Hopefully I make it to the temple sooner, than later. :) 

Lovely

We discuss hot topics - more than just the weather.
He makes me laugh - more than any other.
He wears rose colored glasses, and see's the world through them.
Not only does he make me happy, but it's as though he knows my soul.
He has goals, and aspirations. He has dreams and plans to follow them.

It's funny how this even happened. 

 A boy you teased and joked with fell in love with you.

He now kisses you before bed, 

teases you,

jokes with you,

makes you happy,

helps you to have faith in humanity once more.

 Proving to you that you need to follow your dreams.

That you need to follow your heart. 

Thank You.

I think you could fall in love with anyone if you got to see the parts of them no one else gets to see. Like if you followed them around for a day and saw them crying in their bed, or singing to themselves as they make a sandwich. I think, after seeing them at their most vulnerable, you wouldn't be able to help falling in love with them. <3

Air Force: My Story

I've been thinking about my desire to serve the Air Force, and the day that desire/goal/ambition died. 

Pros and Cons:

• I may have been injured far worse than the way I was injured in 2007.
• I maybe never never came home (I thought I was invincible when I was ready to sign those papers).
• The trauma I have experienced may be as much as I could handle. 
• I wouldn't have found social work, I would have only pursued being a War Vet Psychologist.
• I wouldn't have found God the way I have.
• I have a great relationship with my family, and am happy that I am here with them, especially certain ones that not only I need but that really need(ed) me. 

When others talk about their passion to serve in the military I get teary eyed. It was my biggest goal in life to become a Para-rescue in the Air Force. Not only did I want to be a para-rescue, but I wanted to drive the planes as well. I wanted to be a pilot. I don't think many people understood or knew this part of my love with the military, particularly the Air Force. 

The big man upstairs has something far greater in mind for my life. As I say more and more anymore. "Help me to do thine will, not my will. I am a servant before you Lord." I have a relationship with my Father in Heaven, which is ten time stronger than the one with my physical father. I sometimes wonder if my Father in Heaven has done this on purpose; so that I do turn to Him, my spiritual father. Turn to him not only for the guidance, love, and support that I need, but for that which I deserve.

  

The {P} Word

I can easily tell others the dangers of the P word, though these cautions don't stop me from doing the P word. You would think being in my last semester at the U of U working on my undergraduate degree would help me in not doing the P word, but I cannot help it. The act of the P word, the use of the P word, the definition of the P word ... it is just naughty. As I was a child I never did the P word, in fact, I only recall doing the P word after my accident. Which then turns me to wondering if my brain injury is getting worse. I don't want to be a H word though (which is almost worse than the P word). Just like the F word is much worse than the S word, and you never use the C word.

My advice to younger generations is to never, and I mean NEVER begin to do the P word or else it gets out of hand and it's almost impossible to catch back up. Though that doesn't matter to you because you'll continue to do the P word every day until you have to get something done because say it's a deadline or another person in your group is counting on you.

Africa

My heart is in Africa. Call me crazy, but I love it. As I have been watching African movies about genocide today, instead of doing my homework, I have been glued to learning more about Africa. I have been interested in Africa since my ex-boyfriend, and my craving for more has just increased in the past few months. I yearn to go there, work with the people, understand their lives and culture. I yearn for love, friendship, hope, and peace. I know that all of my desires won't all be fulfilled with my time on this planet, possibly anyone's time on this planet, but I have faith that one day we will all live in peace.