Goddamned

I had to learn how to tell others that I believed in God, and I was shunned by many. I now am learning how to tell others I don't believe in God, and I feel just as shunned. I'm actually receiving more love, and acceptance from those that are very religious, over those that aren't. Maybe there is a God, and if you look back to a previous blog (Ho! Ho! Ho!) you'll find out more of what my thoughts are on this subject. I'm sure there will also be more I write about in the future. I adore the following song, but more important the person performing. 

I'm marching to Zion, a camera in my hand.
I hear people cryin', dyin' for this blood-stained land.
The streets of old Jerusalem are lined with souvenirs and those buying them.
It sounds cold but I cannot see how this theme park has shaped history.

'Cause virgins don't have babies
And water, it isn't wine
And there's a holy spirit, maybe
But she would never rent a room with walls built by mankind.
Mary and Mohammed are screaming through the clouds
For you to lay your goddamned arms down
Rip your bigot roots up from the earth and salt the goddamned ground

Stand in line patiently to super-charge your rosary
Or stuff your prayers inside this wall.
We once had God trapped in this great hall
But we've been cast out from this place
They say a prophet floated from here to outer space.
Am I crazy?
Maybe it's me, but this all sounds like mythology.

'Cause virgins don't have babies
And water, it isn't wine
And there's a holy spirit, maybe
But she would never rent a room with walls built by mankind
Mary and Mohammed are screaming through the clouds
For you to lay your goddamned arms down
Rip your bigot roots up from the earth and salt the goddamned ground

Zeus was afraid of his girlfriend so he swallowed her in bed
And he bore forth Athena when they cracked open his head
Her brother tried to rape her, Athena got away
And when his seed hit the ground the grass gave birth that day
Now we all freely admit this story's clearly bullshit
No one will lay down their life or start a war for it
So throw your stones and pray
You'll be rewarded some day
I hope it all goes your way
But something tells me no one's coming to save you
No one's coming to save you 
No one's coming to save you
Save yourself 
From turning earth into hell

No one's coming to save you
No one's coming to save you
No one's coming to save you
No one's coming to save you

Mary and Mohammed are screaming through the clouds
For you to lay your goddamned arms down
Rip your bigot roots up from the earth and salt the goddamned ground.

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Today is Christmas, yay! It's funny as how a kid you cannot sleep because the magic of Christmas is so beautiful. You eventually get to sleep, and before you know it you're aching to see what Santa Claus and his reindeer have brought you. You tip-toe out to the tree to see your new boom box with N'SYNC and Britney Spears' new CD, your new bike (even though it's winter), you hear a cell phone ringing (the one you begged your grandparents for). 

This morning, I'm up and there is a 50" LCD Flat Screen Television, and a Soda Stream out from Santa, neither of which are mine, but I know mine is somewhere. I know what it is, because my mom made sure it was what I wanted. My stocking is leaning on the television, and I want to rip it open, because stockings are my favorite, period. 

The meaning of Christmas is clear for most Christians. I am struggling with it, in the realm that I don't know if I believe in God, for that matter, Jesus Christ. I feel the cleansing power of the atonement. I have been blessed in extensive amounts. I have always said God blessed me, God loves me, God is with me. I didn't believe in God until I was 16 - and I don't want to loose the idea that God is real. But, Santa used to be real as well. As did the Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, etc. Most of my LDS friends tell me, it's the adversary, but I don't know that this is the case. You cannot go wrong following something that is positive and uplifting, but I also cannot live my life tip-toeing around. It's my agency, I get it, but I don't want to just live by faith anymore. I found a quote the other day that made so much sense, and left me able to breathe. 

FHMC

My seminar professor hates when people use acronyms, and then doesn't tell people what the acronyms stand for - This acronym stands for the four topics I am going to blog about: football, homelessness, marriage, and a change of heart, mind, and soul.

Football: Tomorrow is the black out football game, a game I have been looking forward to for some time now. I absolutely love football, and I cannot wait to go. My mom is going to be going with me as well, so I'm beyond stoked. It's at 7:45 at night, so it will be extremely cold, but I don't mind.  

Homelessness: As I was driving home the other day from I believe my mom's house in Midvale I got off of the freeway exit closest to my apartment. As I was driving past a laundry-mat these elderly people of color were scouring the sidewalks, gutters, and streets for any money they could find. I began to get emotional. After my mom's I had just went to the grocery store for a couple items such as bananas and apples - I pulled over into the parking lot, handed them the bananas, apples, and celery. I then asked them if they would like to get in my car to warm up and I'd take them to get a hot chocolate or coffee. The lady said, "Oh, no!" we couldn't do that you've done enough. I proceeded to say well, I don't think I have done hardly enough. The lady said, "no one has been this kind to us, even at the shelters we're treated different because of our skin color." I began to cry. The elderly man said, "don't cry, you're far too beautiful to be crying. You have such a good heart, do not let things get to your heart like that. Guard your heart, but not your mind." I took them over to the convenient store, got them a large warm beverage, asked them where they needed a ride to - then again declined. I persisted, they said they were fine. I invited them to sit in my car a bit longer, they thanked me and said God Bless. I still feel so helpless - but hey they had some nutritious food, and warm beverages in their stomach. I'm beyond privileged.

Marriage: I went to a wedding this evening for two of my very good friends. As I got there, everything was fine. As I hugged one of my friends I cried, I apologized for crying, and cried some more. He looked at me and said, "I love you, you know that right?" I then proceeded to cry. It was (selfish) sorrow, gratitude, happiness, and love that was flooding my face. This in turn made him tear up, which in turn made me cry again. I hugged him, said congratulations, walked away and wept. I then saw the bride and she was absolutely gorgeous, the tears ceased, until I was in my car and as I was driving back I began to get emotional, and could feel that my heart was so heavy. I have a love/hate relationship with marriage and weddings. 

Change of heart and mind: I have changed from inside out. I am a different person, internally. Life is looking up. I couldn't be more proud of myself. Hopefully I make it to the temple sooner, than later. :) 

Simply, a mustard seed will be enough.

I hope this happens soon.

They say the Lord will not give you more than you can handle . . . I'm beginning to wonder how much I can handle. It is beautiful, but so frustrating at the same time. Life is crazy, like a Roller Coaster, but this is the one that I don't like.

The perfect depiction of my life right now. 

The person I define as my hero at the moment is Anne Frank. A beautiful woman to look up to in my opinion. She had a tough life when WWII began, and still through all in which she saw and heard she was still an optimistic person. So, for now I will keep this quote with me to help me with perspective. 

Discovery.

My life has been short, very short, in this earthly estate. And though it has been a very short time, it has been very meaningful. It has taught me a lot, and has been beyond beautiful. I love life, and if it weren't for selfless moments serving others, I wouldn't have found myself. 

Losing yourself in serving others brings great join into our lives. I encourage anyone who reads this to really lose yourself in the service of another, to feel that true love, which will assist you in loving and finding the best in yourself as a fellow human being on this planet. 

Smile, because it's all only temporary :) 

Jesus Christ

Sometimes you may want to give up, but I plead with you, do not.

Life has something more to offer you. 

Just breathe, and let it all go.

Give some, and take some. 

I plead with you. 

With my pleading comes

all my love, and patience.

I give you all of my heart

and all of my soul.

I will talk you through,

as you ponder.

I will walk with you,

as you have courage to do my will.

I will hold your hand,

as you follow with a pure heart, 

and doing so in faith.