Yesterday in counseling we talked about defense mechanisms and how mine is laughter. The best part about that is that it is a very healthy defense mechanism. She definitely wants me to work on it, but for now she says continue doing what I'm doing because of other homework she finds more important. She asked me to make a conscious effort to recognize when I am doing it however. It's amazing to see and to reflect my life with a counselor. At first, counseling didn't seem like a great idea. After the intake, I figured I could handle things on my own still. And that the counselor couldn't tell me anything I couldn't already tell myself. I was beyond wrong, and I would recommend counseling to almost anyone.
My homework was to look at my life very objectively, to ensure I am fulfilling baby steps and not overdoing anything. I would say the puzzle is about 35% of the way put together, after 2 sessions. What a great feeling, and I am accepting that as a great accomplishment, even though this is very untypical of me. I am growing up, accepting my emotions, and not allowing them to define me and my actions.
this is for the girl who just got in another fight with her parents another night just staring at the ceiling feeling like there's no one that really cares if she's there or not she's got friends and enemies, trends and envy, gets compared a lot for the girl under pressure her boyfriend will think less if she doesn't sext him the message about to give it all up man these boys and man these poisons so many choices & voices - why is it on us? for any girl that ever thought she didn't fit in or was mocked for religion, or ever thought to stop living for the girl so rich that she'd sport nothing short of a Benz for the girl so poor she couldn't afford the rims for the girl by the candlelight trying to hold the camera right gotta get the angle right this facebook candid has gotta be off the handle right? things would be grand if like she only had the life this is for the jealous for the wannabe Bellas, Britneys, Kardashians Kate Middletons, Beyonces soul surfers and soul searchers wondering about the whole purpose of this so-called life what's my sole purpose? nothing ever goes right for the girl reading the script on the elliptical at LA Fitness til they close for the girl buying clothes like they're going out of style for the girl running alone for the girl coming home that hasn't been home in a while
lift your head lift your eyes to the sky it spells your name lift your feet your heart, and start to believe you're meant to dream big dreams
for every awkward stance at every awkward dance every awkward glance longing for him to approach her but he just walks past with friends, put the cap on the lens the last song ends and the last door closes for any girl hoping for roses but getting dirt hoping to be noticed or hoping to get over getting hurt this is for the unspoken, for the ones broken just trying to hold on to hope when things are only getting worse for the girl going through a divorce the wife or the daughter, for the girl with no father no prospects and no options for the locker room girl, for the thoughtful girl for every been through a lot girl (I see you) for the single mom pushing the stroller uphill both ways she knows pain she holds face but still she's fighting back tears, been a mighty bad year dreams as a child never looked quite like what I have here for the girl with regrets, neglecting self-respect for the girl giving everything until she's got nothing left for the girl reminiscing on what could have been for the girl settling cuz there's not enough good men for the girl with the perfect life husband and kids, everything working right for the girl that's wondering if that stuff exists this is for the lonely for the girl searching for something and wondering what that something is
I'm only a man I can only imagine what you go through just want you to understand this image - there's no limit to the finish that you can go to what if I told you that you hold the torch? you're the source, you're the lantern to hold men to a higher standard you hold the power in this stampede through the orchard you're the hope for the flowers you're the sunshine you're the rain you make everything more beautiful without you music wouldn't be musical poems wouldn't be poetic you set the tone you possess strength you've never known, forever glowing like a precious stone in the evening, the best achievement of eden when I say you're never alone - I really mean it when you're dreaming keep believing it'll be true keep the persistence, conviction, and the vision to see it through keep improving on yourself, know that every time you are wishing you were someone else, someone's wishing to be you so take control and own it one day he's gonna ask you to dance and when he does he'll be worthy of the moment time frozen like a broken iphone and on some Jill Scott notion living life like it's golden you are amazing i wish i could put a mirror in the sky so you can see you when you're star gazing shining your divine nature, you're fine aint you? in his greatest landscapes Monet couldn't paint you I admire your radiance, hope you never hold it back when they come to attack it I guess the plan is to damage the perfect workmanship your body is a temple they attempt to burn it down so there's nothing left to worship in these words inadequate to say nothing exceeds you I'm sorry it's way long, that's how much time that I needed to explain why I believe in you, I hope that you proceed to stay strong and be you please, we need you
