Time & Place

There is a time and place for everything. Today while at work I was talking to one of my new staff. As this was happening I began doing something, being a Social Worker. I began to find out why this person had certain personality traits, and why she "was the way she was." I have done this on many occasions since I have graduated from the University of Utah, College of Social Work. This experience was like none other. I felt like I was exactly where I needed to be. I felt like I knew that at that moment, at that very moment, I was where I needed to be. I felt like everything that has happened needed to happen in order for me to be the person that I am. Not that this realization hasn't come to my attention before. I was needing a "sign", a sign from anyone. God maybe? The Universe maybe? Something, and I got it. I didn't pray for it. I didn't ask for it. I just thought about it.

Days like this I am thankful that there is a time and a place for everything! :)

People With Disabilities

“One of the basic needs of every human being is the need to be loved, to have our wishes and feelings taken seriously, to be validated as people who matter.”
― Harold S. Kushner

My favorite quote that comes to my mind when I think about my clients: my clients in the program I am over, and my clients as a whole in TKJ. Whether they have high or low functioning disabilities, they need the same love.

Yes, I have a lot of paperwork. Yes, I have a lot of responsibilities. BUT, my biggest responsibility is to do just that, love them, encourage them, and help them to fulfill their wishes, ensure their feelings are taken seriously, and to validate them as often as possible.

I know I would want the same. The same for myself. I thank the universe daily for letting me to be change I wish to see in the world. I thank the universe daily for helping me to get the education I have gotten. I thank the universe daily for helping me become the person that I am. I thank the universe for constantly allowing me to grow. Mostly, I thank the universe daily for opening my eyes . . .

If it weren't for my accident I wouldn't see the world the way I see it. 

. . . I would want the same for my brothers if they were in a group home. I would want the same for any of my children if I ever had to put them in a group home. 

Going to Grad school was at the top of my list, I thought it was what I needed to do next. But, after some deep thought, and meditation. I realized what I was doing, is what I wanted to do forever. Maybe working with disabilities in group homes isn't my fate, but working with people with disabilities is definitely my calling. 

I can see it, ever since middle school. In middle school I went to peer tutoring with the special education students. I LOVED this. I LOVED how enthusiastic these individuals were when I was of assistance to them. One of the girls couldn't talk, but her touch made me feel so much of her love, that words weren't needed. I cleaned one of the special education teachers rooms, as I was a janitor after school everyday. One day I got to talking to her. She told me that she knew that I would become a special education teacher one day. You know what? She is right, she can see special traits in everyone around her. I loved her for that. I will never forget that day.

Tonight, as I sit here, I know that I am where I need to be. I am happy that I am where I need to be. I am beyond blessed, beyond thankful, and above all, full of love for those around me. 

Smile, it's only temporary. 

P.S. 

Last night I was talking with one of my staff, and she said, "have you ever thought about how it will be in the next life?" I said, actually, I have. I can only imagine the reunion with the people who I have served, with all their transgressions left in mortality. I began to tear up, because I know that the ladies I have served, serve, and will continue to serve will greet me with open arms. It will be a blessed reunion, that I can only hope will be full or laughter, and forever friendships in the eternities. 

allofthewrongones

Letting the wrong ones go has been difficult for me. I have let go of so many people that I didn't WANT to let go of, too many times in my life. I have let go of so many people that I wanted to let go of, so that maybe they would come back to me. None have come back, and sometimes it is lonely. Sometimes, it is too lonely. You wonder if you'll find others like allofthewrongones. Though, you try not to think about it all too often, because that just gets you down.

                         These people, I thought, loved me, for me.
                         This may have been the case then, but is not the case now.

Trust is broken. Hearts begin to break. Tears are more common than laughter. You begin to grow up, and learn the actual meaning of True Friends, Best Friends, Love, Friendship, Happiness, Youth, and Life.



I could see myself in Texas. I could see myself doing my practicum in Texas. I could see myself starting a family in Texas. I could see me being an Army wife, in Texas. I could see all of this, and I was blindsided. He didn't give two-shits about me.

I had sleep overs every night with her, because we were best friends. Our parents didn't care what we did, so long as it was together. My first best friend relationship. I was warned. I was told. I couldn't blame anyone but myself, and one day school was hell. And one day I had no friends. And one day I decided she didn't determine my destiny. And one day I was fine with not having any friends. And one day I was fine with being determined to worry about school, and work, solely. This "break-up" was worse than any love I had ever been through. I cried myself to sleep, and couldn't breathe some days, but I learned. I learned that you cannot have your cake and eat it. I learned that life doesn't always go the way you plan. I learned that you cannot tell everyone, everything about you. I learned that not everyone deserves to be trusted.

So far allofthewrongones have led me to all of the right ones. So far, allofthewrongones have been that way for a purpose. I wouldn't be where I am today without, allofthewrongones.

Humanity. Love. Respect. = for all.

I've posted this video previously in my blog, though, this one is a different version. SAME LOVE by, Macklemore is the song that made me fall in love with him as an artist. At this point I'm posting this video because I like some of the words Paradise Fears adds to the song. . .

"Ask yourself what kind of person do you wanna be? And how many commandments are gonna rule how you think? And do we really mean it when we say He loves us all? And do we really believe it when they say that we're created equal? Of course I do, I'm not a racist, or an asshole. Yet, we can treat them less if their love is homosexual. Well, rules are rules. And the Bible's pretty clear here. Yeah, we know, we get it. But we don't live by procedure. We decide what's right, by what's right. Not what's written. We evolve past our outdated norms and dispositions. We don't exclude people based on the footnotes of exodus. Like my friend Halie who loves both of her dad's. You wanna tell her their love is different? You wanna make that distinction? You wanna tell her that this beautiful, and limitless thing we called love has rules? And a proper way to do it? And that their love, is less love, because an old book don't approve it. I guess, here's how I see it: you gotta heartbeat like mine. Probably get that same feeling when your fingers intertwine. Well me love, es su love. Same Heart. Same Love. Bout time that we raised up, same-sex ... press play, don't press pause, progress press on. With the veil over our eyes, we turn our backs to the cause. A world so hateful, some would rather die than be who they are. And a certificate on paper isn't gonna change it all, but it's a damn good place to start. So it's time that we stand without a doubt or concession.  Rather than sitting here gridlocked in oppression. We all raise our voices until their too loud to ignore. signing songs of acceptance. 

For those individuals who say things like, "we aren't created equal". 

No, sir, we aren't created equal, but you shouldn't get more rights, and privileges over another HUMAN being.

That's the equality I am FIGHTING for. I am fighting for equal rights, equal pay, equal privileges. I want my children to look back, and think how ridiculous it was for people to have to fight for marriage. Just like I look back and think about how ridiculous it was for people of color to be treated the way that they were. Yet they still fight, daily, for equal rights, and pay . . . even though it is between the lines.  

Don't tell me that same-sex marriage is ruining the sanctity of marriage, that you need a man and a woman to raise a child, that reverse-racism exists, or even that women are treated equal to men in the work place, or anywhere for that matter. 

Humanity.     Love.     Respect.     = for all. 

Humility

Today I added someone on Facebook whom has Cancer, then it reminded me of my friend who was just diagnosed with cancer. My mother who nearly had cancer. My grandpa who has had cancer, and goes to get chunks taken out of his skin when it comes back. My step-grandpa who I lost to cancer. All my other friends and family with cancer, and that that have friends and family with cancer. It smacked me in the face, and left me with streams of tears flowing from my eyes. My problems, though they are unfortunate, are far from the multitude that they could be. This week has been a week from hell, full of bad luck. I have so many things to be grateful for. I have so many people to love me. I have so many people to love. I am one of the lucky ones. For those going through cancer, themselves, or with family or friends, my thoughts are with you. I pray that every person touched with cancer, may get good news soon. Love. Live. Laugh.

Smile, it's all only temporary. :)

That Smile

He makes me feel like Sunday morning rain. Like the wind in my hair while riding in a convertible. Like eating the first bite of your favorite candy bar. Like Springtime sun, after a long winter. Like the sand between your toes, on your favorite beach. Like you're whole. Like you're complete. Like you've found home, because home truly is where the heart is. He brings out the best in me, and I love him for that. He makes me feel amazing, and for that I will never be able to repay him. He believes he isn't good enough for me, but really it's the other way around. Like he says, "it's in the little things" and I can honestly say I've never heard anything more true. The way he holds me, kisses me, stares at me, those are the moments that I will forever cherish. He does something to my heart, no man has ever done before, and for that I am forever grateful. 

Smile - it's all only temporary,
Kasi :)

Barbie Skinny

As I grew up, I was told I was fat. Did I see it? No. As I grew up, I grew out of my fat phase, and into a beautiful young woman. My junior year I was in a terrible car accident, in a coma, in a vegetative state. I was told I would never walk, talk, or get the education I had fought so hard to get. First I was in a wheelchair, I then began to use crutches, then a walker, then I was full on walking. First I was using a feeding tube, then thickener, then whole food. I wasn't able to hit the gym for quite a while. I began "overly" not-taking-my-life-for-granted, eating whatever, whenever, however much I wanted.

I began to lose weight, for the wrong reasons. For society, for boyfriends, for friends, for "that" attention. This past year has been one of the hardest, it was the year I realized that I was fat. I could see it, for the first time. I could never see how fat I was, whether it was denial, I don't know. But, when I looked in the mirror I saw my 150 pound self, until this year. This year I saw the 300 pounds. This year I saw someone I knew I wasn't. But, I began having problems with my back. Most people probably think the back problems are because I'm fat, but really it's my SI joints, from my accident. Sure, the added weight isn't helpful, but it's not because I'm fat. 

So, here I sit, writing this blog. Putting it out for the world to see (the ten people that follow it.) I began being fit, I had lost 75 pounds, and looked great. I was reaching my fitness goals, then bam, life came down. But, I'm ready (and my doctors say I'm ready) to start again. I am going to be crawling to the door, to the car, to the gym, to the equipment at the gym, etc. for a  while. But, this time it is for me. Not for society, not for my family, not for boys, or anyone. I want to be fit. I will be fit. 

After seeing this image, and the description it makes me angry. Our society is fucked up. I can only hope that people really explain to their daughters (and sons) the importance of a balanced DIET, then they will never diet. Also, the importance of balanced exercise. I never want anyone to feel the ways I have felt over body image. It's damaging not only to ones physical health, but to ones mental health as well.  

If Barbie was an actual woman, she would be 5’9” tall, have a 39” bust, an 18” waist, 33” hips and a size 3 shoe.

• Barbie calls this a “full figure” and likes her weight at 110 lbs.

• At 5’9” tall and weighing 110 lbs, Barbie would have a BMI of 16.24 and fit the weight criteria for anorexia. She likely would not menstruate.

• If Barbie was a real woman, she’d have to walk on all fours due to her proportions.

• Slumber Party Barbie was introduced in 1965 and came with a bathroom scale permanently set at 110 lbs with a book entitled “How to Lose Weight” with directions inside stating simply “Don’t eat.”