i should have been in the kitchen

11/01/2013:

as we had that sweet conversation 

he was vulnerable 

the way i had never seen him

beautifully vulnerable

in a vibrant way

his touch is a touch to remember

his tears are tears that pierce my heart

even still to this day.

11/02/2013:

sadness

desperation

disbelief 

filled the room

the funeral director arrived

she was pushed into the kitchen

many others followed

as the sister it was my duty to stay

images like his tears 

images like his touch

pierce my heart

not even as close

as watching the move 

from bed

to

stretcher

bones.cracking.hearts.shattering

i should have been in the kitchen

Although, it has been a huge sigh of relief my heart is still broken.

They were right, they were really right. 

All I know is that I am left here ... without you. Missing you, wishing you were still here to be with me. To sit with me, and just chill with each other. To simply be. siblings. 

Two souls.

One heart.

ily.