I have thoughts that should clearly be kept to myself, but we all know that never happens.
The older I get in every aspect from physical to spiritual I feel both a sense of disconnect and composure. Two opposite things, I know, but think about how that really does work.
I grew up in a family where we didn't have any religious background, until I was 16, which I found on my own. That has now really led me to where I am. Without my religious faith I wouldn't be where I am, and I am blessed beyond belief for it. Without my religious faith I believe I would have gone down a path I would have never wanted for myself at this point. I can only see this now that I am older.
I grew up in a family where meat was the staple food, and a heaping side of: potatoes, rice, or noodles was on the side with possibly some vegetables. We didn't really any fresh fruit, etc. I have not always been the size that I am, but even before I wasn't healthy. My family would call me fat and tell me to go on diets. Not only were they not giving me proper nutrition, but at night I would hoard food and eat a lot, which made it ten times worse. At this point I still "sneak food" from my own cupboards. It's a problem, but at this point I "sneak" granola bars, apples, and bananas. So, it is not as big of a deal. I can only see this now that I am older.
I grew up in a family where hard work paid off. I have worked since I was 12 years old. I had two jobs at one point where I would waitress, and do janitorial work at my middle school. I wanted a cell phone, so that meant I had to pay for it. I wanted clothes from the mall, so that meant I had to pay for them. I wanted to wear make-up, so that meant I had to pay for it. I am blessed beyond belief, because it taught me how to save my money, and now as an adult living on my own I do fairly well for the pay I receive. I can only see this now that I am older.
I grew up in a family where you were opinionated. My grandma was loud, and had an opinion, and that is where I learned to form an opinion. At first I took all these opinions and adopted them to be my own, then as I grew older, started college, and venturing out into the world I have grown my own opinions. I think this is one of the points in life. I know a lot of people who stay very neutral, and it drives me crazy because I am going to share my opinion. Unfortunately, this has gotten me into some trouble off and on, but I cannot help who I am. At this point it does cause tension because I am VERY progressive, VERY liberal, and for women-rights, for gay-rights, pro immigrant-rights, etc. And a lot of people cannot handle that. But, anyone who is not alright for people to have the same rights, needs to loose theirs, just for an hour and see how it feels. I can only see this now that I am older.
I grew up in a family where women were second to a man. My uncle has always been number one in my grandma and grandpa's eyes. My brother has always been number one in my grandma and grandpa's eyes. This is all I ask, which is fairly simple, but extremely difficult to obtain: equality. Equality for men and women. For people not to say: oh, that's a woman's job! No, men can make their own damn sandwich, men can make their own damn lunch, men can do the dishes, men can sweep, mop, and vacuum. Men can do the same things women do! Then, men say, for example, "You're a feminist, then come out here and wash concrete . . . you couldn't do it . . . oh, no you couldn't . . . and a feminist would." Uhm, excuse me, you chose to have that job for a living, not me. I chose to go to college, I chose to get an education, I chose to be higher than you. Until you treat me like an equal, and make up for the past 21 years of treating me like a lesser, I will consider myself better than you for bettering myself, and bettering my future. I can only see this now that I am older.
At this point in my life I look at all these things and realize they are why I am the way I am today. They are "my truth", so it doesn't mean that they are accurate, or correct, even if I may think that may be the case. I am the kind of person who accepts, loves, and lives by faith, and faith alone. With faith comes hope, with hope comes everything else. I hope for a future where my hypothetical children, cousins, nieces and nephews can live in a world with love, and happiness. Sure, I want them to face trials, but trials that life throws at them not trials that people choose to make up and throw at them.
