Jems

Rolling down your windows on the car ride home from work.
Realizing you have FRIDAY and SATURDAY off.
Sushi with amazing girls and remembering tomorrow is your birthday.

Life is far too beautiful lately. :)

He made me realize ...

... and may have never known:

That real men do exist.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Forehead kisses will always be better than passionate kisses.
Respect is something that: if shown, (most) men will too.
I am beautiful.

No one will or can understand the love and affection I have for that man, ever. 

Making Life Ridiculously Amazing.

<3's:
Cardigan weather, because jackets just make me look like I'm trying to hide the fat.
Those days when your hair is just right for it to rain.
When your voice sounds just like the artists' voice on your iPod so you sing louder and prouder.
When someone says I love you before you say it to them.
When you see a rainbow and pray someone who deserves it finds the pot of gold.
When you wear anything new and feel like a million bucks!
Giving food you're eating or going to eat to a homeless person.
When you find that perfect song that you refuse to take off repeat, until a month later.
Letters :)
When you find yourself smiling at every stranger that passes you on the street.
The day when you let everyone merge, turn, and pass in front of you.
The day when people let you merge, turn, and pass in front of them.
Green lights when you're in a rush.
Red lights when you're not.
When you go to give a compliment, and someone gives you a compliment first.
When you realize you have the whole wide world in your hands.
When you started to sing, "He's got the whole wide world in his hands."
When you write so eloquently (in your mind) which makes you smile all day and night about it.
The moment when you finish homework and feel like you just saved the world.
The few seconds the stranger takes to help you with tons of bags and things from you car. (If you ever read this, that day you were my HERO!)
The moment when you realize you are all that you need.
When you see your very first shooting star. (12/9/2011)
When you're finally alright with silence.
When you see two elderly love birds. <3
When you swing on a swing set and feel like you could swing into the sky.
The moment you find God. (07/05/2007)

I just want to swing life away.

Being the happiest person in the world has gotten me no where, but defeated. I swear my life would be the number one watched TV sitcom sometimes.

I become optimistic, I see beauty in everything around me. I laugh at everything to get me through my complex days. I do good unto others. I see hope for my future. The birds. The flowers. Love.

But, today I just can't see this beauty. A person said, no you won't see it, you refuse to see it. I just flipped that person off in my head. I knew that person would never understand what was going on.

A person said, keep your head up, smile, enjoy life, take things as they come. You know what? That may work for you but today, this week, or even this month I just want to be sad.

Then I realized I was having conversations inside my head with myself.

Someone once said if everyone put their problems in the middle of a circle, we would each take our problems back happily. I can't wait until this disgusting part of my life is over with so that I can look back and say, "I agree."

I feel like an adolescent all over again juggling: family, school, heart-break, balance-of-emotions and zits. (please, please, please go away!)

A Lie

The most surreal moments of my life have been when I realize I've been lied to. It's never really close family and friends it's usually when I'm studying a particular topic and come to find out I was lied to my entire life.  

Everyone comes to find out things on their own will and good timing. So, it's not that I haven't been ready to figure these things out. Apparently at 20 I'm needing to know these things. Opening my eyes and mind to the world is a blessing and a talent the Lord has given me. A lot of people get talents that are tangible. But, I feel like my talents that he's given me aren't tangible. 

Our country is a 3rd world country. Take off your "western-lense" as my professors, colleagues and I alike call it. We have the same problems countries that are considered 3rd world do. We just think we as American's know what we're doing and that we don't need help. But, did you know we borrow money from other countries? The only thing different between us and most 3rd World Countries is that we have resources, but they're running scarce. I don't say this to worry anyone, myself included. But, when you know the facts you're more willing to FIGHT for change, to FIGHT for a difference, and to NEVER back down. 

Five years ago I was told my life was over. Looking back at those five years I know I'm meant to be here. I look back and wonder (mostly in my grey, dark, or cloudy moments) why I'm here. I feel as though I do nothing, but I'm a person being trained how to be my very BEST and do something for the better in the world.  Through all my occupational change decisions I'm in the very place I'm meant to be, and I couldn't be any happier. If I'm doing International Social Work, I know I would be the happiest person in the world. If I'm working with War Veterans/ doing current service member Social Work, I know I would be the happiest person in the world. If I'm working with the Prison System/Jail System, I know I would be the happiest person in the world. But, right now there is also no reason why I can't be the happiest person in the world. Because I know in the end no matter what I do, it will be with PEOPLE! I'm going to be the BEST me, I could possibly be.

untitled.

My decision:

Roll with the punches. Leave behind what and who doesn't matter. Smile and breathe.

I also offer that advice to anyone who is a little more than overwhelmed with LIFE lately.

I know the price it takes to be where you never thought you deserved to be.

To be the person you never thought you would become.

When you accomplished things the rest of the world said you shouldn't.

This is when honesty can take over the world. 

xo,
Kas

woe is me

once captured and you think your stuck in a place of which you cannot get out of the grasp of the darkness and loneliness which has never been experienced by your soul which hath no light whatsoever with intense amounts of disappointment and at best negative words of discouragement which are haste ridden given to me and from me i do not deserve hate i said i deserve love and i will steal back my happiness that was once there like a bulls eye on my heart he said you do not have any idea how to get back to that place that once was i repeatedly stated i deserve to be loved and soon i started to scream and i deserve to love in return with positive words that lift me up from out of the shadows of darkness and into the light i deserve beautiful melodies to sit atop and daydream aimlessly i deserve to be released from these shackles and tied to a cloud so i can be like that porcelain silhouette id always deserved to be    

Now, I am free.