It's gotta be the crunkest, It's gotta be the loudest.

It feels as though I haven't written for so long but I actually did just the other day. I think it could be due to the lack of anything I've done this week with a bunch of stuff bottled up. Flow, came to visit. If you get what I mean, ladies. I'm so used to being on BC and not having a super long visit but I slept my life away Mon, Tue, & Wed because of her. I downloaded some new songs, paid some bills, stressed about life. Pretty much the usual. The apartment complex finally came and cleaned my carpets, I love it. Smells and looks much better.

I was driving past the Murray Park as I was taking one of my clients out to dinner this evening and saw that river and I almost cried. I seriously had a huge rush of panic run all through my body. So not what I like. I was talking to my boyfriend about how bad my anxiety has been lately. He wasn't that useful but he did agree with me (guys, do this with your girls please!). I think I may want to go see a psych at the U or something because I don't want to just diagnose myself and go in saying, I'm crazy. Though we all know that I am :) No, but really . . . I think it would be a smart thing to do maybe I could concentrate better rather than obsess about everything going on in the world.

I think I'm gonna click to MTV so they can teach me how to duggy! :)

Fear makes the wolf bigger than he is.

I woke up this morning and was doing great seeing as how I went to bed so late Sunday night. I did my usual routine; ate some cottage cheese and an apple, brushed my teeth, made my bed, got my gym clothes on, got my protein shake ready and took my iPod off of it's charger. Well, I go to walk to my front door to leave and I gasp so freaking loud I swear my neighbors heard it. WATER! Water leaked in from this crack in my door frame.

Mind you this crack was mentioned at least ten times to the complex at this point. I've been here over a year and no one has tried to fix it. The last two times they came they said it was fine and not a big deal. Well, it's now a big deal that the water has soaked in my carpet about a foot and soaked part of my couch.

Well, I jump on my computer and send a message to maintenance once again. They came and put some calk at the bottom of the frame where the crack is. If this doesn't work I'm going to be livid. They also better come steam clean my carpet . . . no where in my lease does it say I have to clean the carpets in case of flooding and they should anyways because of such a pain this has been and I've told them multiple times. People just don't listen to young single women! I need a man around here. I better get on that.

So for now I have my soaked rug chillin' on the concrete wall outside my apartment with my teal towels that are soaked as well. My couch is pushed so far I can barely squeeze through to get to my kitchen, bedroom and bathroom and I really hope it doesn't do it again. If it does, I don't know what I'm going to do but it's not going to be very nice.

peace and love :)

My Dream

Why must we have war to have peace? I am not anti-war. I'm not pro-war. I'm not the president. I'm just a woman who thinks she can accomplish world peace. You hear beauty queens say they want world peace but they just have to say that. I'm an average girl, who lives an average life that wants to attain something that's far from average. It's possible, right? cool.









P.S. I think the Ukulele would bring that world peace, I think I need to learn how to play that bad boy.

Pog's & Yo-Yo's

I'm already 20 years old, living on my own, graduating next summer, paying for bills like an adult. Just yesterday I was in first grade with Morgan Rugg, Kenny Miller and Colton Goudy. Then I won my sixth grade science fair. In middle school I struggled at first. I was put in a group called "Path Finders" and it worked very well! I was very blessed to have such amazing women in my life. Gayle Threet and Mrs. Ward, even though they really made me angry then I love and cherish them now. Making new friends then was hard, but I was so blessed to find at least one of my truest friends, Alexis Nay. Tenth grade through Twelfth was a little hard but I got through them and with grace. I accomplished so much in those short 3 years it's insane. So much has happened in these short 20 years and I'm sure the next 20 are going to go by even faster and the 20 after that and hopefully I die. Just kidding, but really I feel me aging. No, it's not like my body is aging quickly but I can feel my soul get older. I talk to little kids about yo-yo's or pog's and they look at me like I'm crazy. They don't know who Aaron Carter is or 98 degrees. Things I say aren't cool anymore. Might as well just kill me now :) I'm excited to watch myself continue to grow up, wait. I am grown up. I'm excited to watch my life un-fold at this point and I hope I do make a change in this world that is so against it.

peace & love & yo-yo's for everyone! :)

When life hands you lemons, throw them back.

Words, I'm not good with them. I never have been. What gets me is that when it comes to something I feel passionately about, like a cause, I can articulate so beautifully.

There is a man I've been seeing, I've been so angry at times and so happy at others with him. He seems to bring the best and the worst out in me. I'm not here to dog on him by no means but I sometimes get so frustrated and I freeze and can't really say anything at times with him. I know how I've been in the past and just shout whatever the hell it is that I'm mad about but I seem to sit back and think before I speak with him. I haven't figured out if it's good or bad yet which is unfortunate. Happiness is all I want. Hopefully I get that soon.

Also, I cooked stew for tonight and I'm stoked about it. I hope it turns out good or else I just might have to cry.

peace and love

"Sunsetty Auras"

People always have a motive. (Wait! I've heard that before.) Why else do people hang out with you? Think about it! I'm not saying it's always negative, but there is always something they're after. After hanging out with an amazing man the past little while we've discussed this. All I want is to be happy. I hang out with the (minimal) people I hang out with because they're pretty much always happy. I don't like negativity, it's just a horrible feeling. Reminds me of the girl from Baby Mama who can ready peoples Aura's, "It's sunsetty, kinda like a sunset." Those are the people I like to be around. Like I always say, "Just be happy and remember that going through life isn't an option. If you're going to do it anyways, just smile and bare it, rather than make everyone else's lives miserable." 

Smile, it's all only temporary. =) 

LIFE

I met up with my friend Omri from high school the other day for lunch. It was really fun to meet up with someone I haven't seen for a couple years. It also reminded me why I loved Itineris so much. Also, why I am a Libertarian, why I want world peace and why I am the way I am. I'm a fun loving person, can't say I don't flip people off once in a while. I also won't say I don't have some road rage. It's crazy how I can have road rage when I know what can happen in road rage incidents, I promise I keep it under control. Life is beautiful. Truly a wonderful thing. Though the world is a very sad place. Why is it that in America we take so many things for granted? Omri went back to the Philippines, which is a third world country. He said it reminded him of what was most important and that's family. The basic necessities is all they need there. It reminded me that I don't need half of the things I have. They seem like basic necessities but who needs 20 pens? A zillion pairs of shoes? Tons of lotions and perfumes, shampoo bottles, purses, wallets, etc. It's just frilly things that don't even matter. But, I am an American and it's just what I like. I wish I could just see the bigger picture all the time. Until then, I'll just try to see it as often as I can.

peace & love. f'real.